askin' for trouble .. .

i'm not really asking for trouble ..
don't like trouble
or confrontation
i walk away

but
   the everpresent 'but' ..
there are a few things i'm taking-on
and won't let go until ..

i've been around a bit, seen a few
i take a large suitcase with me when i move
   full of stuff i learned as a younger human when i was
   soaking-in the world around me
a lot of that stuff is religious stuff
   and it's heavy, specially at this stage of life when i need to be travelling light ..
some of it i've already dumped, replaced with a lighter burden
but some of it is inprocess stuff that i'm working through
   .. i figure if i'm not working through something in my life
   i'm dying a death
..
i used to take the position that this was cleancut blackandwhite law
   laid down a few thousand years ago
   and, well, you know .. nothing changes ..
and there's a huge badass god hovering with a huge badass flyswatter policing my stuff 24/7 ..

and then Jesus walks in and ..
.. how do i face him with this animosity ..
      me and my flyswatter
      just waiting in the shadows
      for someone (or me) to break this rule or affirm that think
         like i was god or something .. .

so, ya ..
there's that
and there's me living in this 'ere ' Christ-haunted south ' (Flannery O'Connor) trying to keep my mind's mouth shut in the face of the fried-in derivative fundamentalism, more recently labeled 'evangelicalism'
knowing that when i do say anything off-color i'm going to get spanked by someone who likes their luggage just the way it is thank you ..


but this is my blog (all the ' I's ')
and i get to say my mind here .. that's what blogging is about
and for me not to say my mind = me lying, and i'm not much into that
.. so if you get offended at something i say, i'm sorry you're offended, but i'm working on trying to become more like this person i've committed to follow, the only one i pledged allegiance to
   and he has a certain attitude about this stuff that i'm dealing with
   which doesn't easily fit-in with the going standard evangelical
   takeonit
      a button i don't wear anymore
         or the fundamentalist one either ..
i prefer his yoke thanks

so, just to be upfront and all
   to 'come out', as it were
here are some things i'm working on
as in, trying to find the mind of Christ on them

race and white privilege
   this tops, because there is massively serious kickback for raising the issue

lgbtqi christians
   are they ?

women preaching/teaching
   should they ?

non-violence
   affirm ?
   exceptions ?

inerrancy and infallibility of the bible
   to step on my theological toes

Jesus, the human
   my greatest challenge ever


the reason i'm chasing this stuff down the rabbithole is that there's good reason for me to think that Jesus' take on it may be quite different than mine has been
and i owe it to Jesus and to those people i've been fingerpointing to reassess, rethink, and to be reckless enough with the standard fundamentalist take to be willing to change me
   change me
.. regardless of what anyone else thinks
because
there's only one person i will fall for, give it all up for ..
everyone else has to kinda lineup behind him ..

so if/when i spill my stuff on this blog
be understanding ..
i'm not stepping on you ..
   in fact i'm more likely stepping on me

i'm simply sharing my think, because perhaps someone else is working on that thing too
and maybe something i said is worth something to them on their journey

after all, .. i'm just human
in pursuit of the Human


peace to you
and love

consider ..

in my ongoing journey here I'm considering some stuff that stiff-hearted Christians eschew, walk past in denial, rely on others to consider for them, don't care about .. kinda thing

here's one for ya
here

peace

the stuff of us ..

i can pile my stuff over me
   cover my self in it
   hide behind or under it
dress my self
   paint my face
      mask
..
then one day
it goes
   it's gone
worse .. you see it gone
there in front of you
   below you
   above you
piled
   in its destruction
as you stand there in it
   under it     
      in the shock of its goneness
my stuff that made me me ..

and now i am destroyed ..  .

who am i really
   ?

Hell, just listen ..

Brian Zahnd on hell

http://wolc.com/watch--listen/sermon-archives/what-about-hell/

violence in the OT ..

the link below addresses violence in the Older Testament, an 'evidence' often used to support it today ..

listen to Brian Zahnd's comments

click here

bits 'n pieces ..

i had the privilege last week of going to texas to help with the recovery after Harvey ..
it was made possible by donations from family and friends ..


it was a dread reminder to me of the tenuous nature of the life we live .. fragile, not something we can rely on really ..
   not something we really can rely on

what is you life ?
a breath
a whisp
a grass
   blown in the wind
   dried in the sun

..

so if i can't rely on my own life ..
wow ..

that questioning wonder leads me to a couple other questions
what can i rely on
what am i relying on
..

we walked into a house that had flooded to the ceiling
everything was destroyed
the place had to be gutted
everything gone

the guy was distraught
confused
lost
in shock

led me to wonder about me and what my response would be if all my stuff was destroyed
..
like .. what am i made of?
am i the accumulation of the stuff i have
how much of me is ..

what happens when that stuff goes
is destroyed
who am i then

who am i now .. ?

__________________________________________________________

yesterday we heard about 'rest' in the assembly
here are a few thoughts from that time ..

we often long for the slavery we've been set free from
   (that one tugged at me)

there's a certain amount of security in bondage - you don't have to make decisions

we weren't meant to rest after death, but in this life

we try to earn our rest .. it's not something you work for

you work from a place of rest, not towards it

it is the voice of God that leads us to rest
   (the Voice)

worship is the path God walks to your soul

obedience is nothing more than an act of faith

we're looking for a place and it's not a place
we're looking for a day and it's not a day
   rest is a posture of the heart

_________________________________________________________

beware the praise of people
   even when that praise is 'well-earned', the result of a 'good cause'
..
the flesh loves to be coddled


peace to you

it's me o Lord standing in the place of need ..

i attended a 'celebrate recovery' class last week ..
i wasn't sure why exactly ..
maybe i just wanted to see what it was about
.. perhaps i thought i'd be able to help somebody else get 'fixed'

whatever ..

thing is, in the opening session one of the facilitators offered us a keyring-thingy
   a reminder of our commitment
well .. now commitment was a bit far down the road for me just then
besides that, commitment to what ?
   i wasn't admitting my Self to the program
      i was an observer, a contributor, a helper, a supporter kinda thing

   curioser and curioser ..
somehow deep inside i had a feeling from the first time i heard about the program ..
nebulous, fuzzy, undefined feeling ..
mayhaps i should be there

and then .. there was this experience i had several years ago when i went with a friend to their alcoholics anonymous meeting, and experienced something i later attributed to my imagined idea of what church should be like .. it has never left my mind
perhaps that memory contributed to the feeling i had that i should be there

and on sunday somebody spoke about it and encouraged people to attend ..
it's not just for the addicted, etc. .. it covers a whole swath of issues you may be toting around, things you probably would do well to ditch, perspectivize, acknowledge .. deal with
  and that nuanced it a bit

   so i went
and in the going i think something bumped inside me
and i took one of the keyring-thingys
and i sat through the intro, and the session
and i watched and i listened and i wondered
   again
      why am i here ?
      what is it in me that brought me to this place ?
..

i'll contextualize it a bit ..
on sunday the preacher made a point i'd not thought of concerning one of my fav passages - Matthew chapter 5, last verse
it's a statement by Jesus which he made after the phenomenal unbelievable incomprehensible things he said about taking the next slap and going the next mile and shedding the next shirt .. . . and loving enemies, perhaps the freakiest thing of all ..
   all of which the preacher subsumed under the thought "don't be afraid", "do not fear" ..

in that last verse Jesus said "be perfect, just like your father in heaven is perfect"
one of those verses i used to " ? " in my bible all the time ..
   not a thing for me to worry about
   i'll never achieve that for sure; in fact, who can? ..
but preacher said it's not setting you up to fail against this impossible standard
rather it is a thought that, just as God is perfectly God, the endgame for us is to be perfectly human, just as we were designed by God to be, just as we were imaged by God to be
   maybe just as Jesus came here to remind us
      by being The Son of the Human ..

and i watch him human
and i want to be like His humanity
i want to be the human the preincarnate Jesus/Word/Creator designed for me to be
..
and i am so very far from there
   many many miles to go before i sleep

and i have an increasingly persistent barking at my heels
this bugging nagging yap-yapping that i so want to lockout
   leave me in peace
.. i suspect i am that nag
i suspect it is i that stand in the place of need

it's me
not him
or her
or them
   me


i need to recover from me
so
help
me
God


peace to you