freedom from bondage to the fear of death ..

"i knew a man once who was caught up to the third heaven .. whether in his body or out of his body, i don't know" .. (paul)
..

this blog is a personal one
it's my take on things spiritual
it bears remembering that, since what i sometimes post would normally be seen as unfit for the cosmic library ..
that's cool .. i post to express myself in the weird hope that something resonates with someone wherever

this is one of those posts


`|`

you never know when ..
you just never know

one day you're up and about and the sun shining on your life, and then .. you're not there anymore ..

sometimes some of us have close encounters with our finity, bringing our life into dramatically simple view - suddenly life is very uncomplicated, shred of nuance, blindingly clear, naked to the bone ..
the issue, if we get to walk away, is this .. where did all the clutter come from, the white noise, interference ?
ho'd i get so lost ?
and how come i missed it? how did i get tangled in this lifeweb, wandering through this maze and seeming to get nowhere of any real consequence (now that i look on it from here)
.. things like education and religion and escapism through entertainment and the media-propaganda and isolationalism and nationalism and the over-the-top drive to secure retirement and .. come to mind ..
but, in that moment, none of that reasoning plays; all that we see then is the blinding clarity of life, and the reality of life-as-we-know-it just laughed at me in my stupidity

i had one of those days yesterday, and it scared me

what follows is part of what i wrote in my journal ..

`|`

i'm writing this to perspectivize my mind, to try to place my life/mind, and whatever future there is left

in a text conversation with someone concerning the event i said ' i thought i was going home ' ..
they didn't get my drift on that one

i figure i'm ready whenever
   [i don't proudly say that; it's actually a confession]

fact is i can 'believe' all sorts of things, but until the belief is attached specifically to my life, challenged or tested or becomes the issue in my life, it's just a belief

(in recent years i've come to dislike the english bible translation into 'believe' .. it's not 'belief' as in the anglicized west's understanding; it's more of a 'trust' a 'rely'; it's something you lean your life on)

so, i faced again my belief in existence after this Earthlife, my reliance on life after life, and that specifically 'in the presence of Jesus' somehow ..
that's not an easy thing; it means that when i faced death yesterday, i faced it knowing it was there as a distinct and obvious possibility, and yet, scared as i was, trusting in the distinct and obvious-to-+me fact that were it to occur, i'd be moving into a new reality where Jesus was present in some way ..
that is faith working

the present prospect of losing my life as i know it is damned frightening - i've only known life as i am; i've never been anything other than what i am

the scariness is handleble (and may even be welcome) when faith in the God who raised Jesus out of death is working, is alive and vibrant ..
then there is the reality of lifeafterlife
then there is actually a groaning (Romans 8) to be with Jesus (paul), however feeble the groans
then there is this underlying anticipation that this could be the day my new reality becomes my present reality - Jesus and i meet face-to-face, i exist no longer in this 'body of death' (paul), i am free of bondage to the fear of death (Hebrews 12)
i am living life in the immediate presence of my Lover, who loved me and gave himself for me (paul)

i can talk and blog till i'm blueintheface, but until my life is rooted in my reliance on Jesus for (in this case) lifeafterlife, it's all just so much noise, just 'sounding brass and tinkling cymbal' (paul) ..
it really means nothing, and is the equivalent of lipstick or a cross dangling around my neck ..

once again i'm faced with 2 basics - my finitude, and how will i live-out whatever's left of this tenure

the answer to that question must be my core right now ..
mine is to consider it carefully and move forward in the response, constantly reminding my self of it as i move

after all, what else is there really .. ?

peace to you