between the devil and the deep blue ..

having spent the majority of my life in christianity
having been raised in fundamentalism at its fundamental core
and having divorced myself from that cultic interpretation of Christ's church
   piece by broken piece
i now live in a quandary
a betwixt-and-between where i walk a mostly alone path with a firey burn in my gut
a fire that sometimes swallows me
and i must open my mouth

some people say i'm too damned negative
need to head for peace and love and encourage encourage
..

thing is, i get that
i understand my need to be balanced
i know the freakishness of the down
the polarizing

i just can't deny what i see
..

i'm not a prophet
but prophets play an integral part in the kingdom
   always have
just peruse your older testament ..
some of it is most shocking

prophets stand on the edge of their community-circle
   not out
   just inside
and they cry out
they face inward and call to the people in there to wake-up
they call out the spades
they deliberately cut the BS and the politically correct
and call it like they (God) sees it

a dangerous position to take ..
no-one wants to be associated with them
they're usually rough people (Elijah, John the Baptizer)
they probably smell worse than most
look like they need a serious bath

i'm not a prophet
but sometimes i feel the need to do what they did
because of who i was
because of what i see going-on in the christianity of my day
because i know the twisted 'truth' being taught to the people looking for God
because i feel the abuse felt by the hurt
because i see the inconsistencies seen by the outsiders
because i read and watch and walk out of churches toting my baggage
.. because God is still God
and what's being done to God in the pulpit and on the tele and the internet and in the scholarly books is a travesty
a flat-out manipulation and misrepresentation of the God who is there
..

puts me in a serious place
like, do i say something
   or do i shut my mouth
.. my conundrum

thing is, there's this fire ..
and when i try to shut it out, stomp on it
the heat just burns hotter
because i am who i am
and to not say something when the opportunity shows itself is nothing less than a denial of me

this blog is one such opportunity

..

i'm not a prophet ..
i'm a disciple
Jesus is my master
he's my example
my teacher
leader

i follow him

if you ever read the Bible
if you've ever read the 4 gospels
you'll find him there
and you'll see that he did a prophet's work
he was balanced, did good wherever he went
but he called it like God saw it
   and he did not mince his words ..

as i've said before, Jesus called-out the religious leaders
he flat-out laid-into them
.. and he didn't do that with anyone else
his religion's leaders were the ones he refuted and corrected and pointed-out-their-lies and opened their hypocrisy for all to see and ..

..

so when i get scolded for speaking my mind
when i get told that i'm not Jesus
   so i shouldn't be doing that
when i'm asked to leave that side of the issue on the table
   throw a cloth over it
   just serve-up the 'good' stuff of christianity
.. i humbly demure
thanks for asking ..

..

the reputation of the evangelical movement in this country today splashes goop all over the face of God ..
and that is not hyperbole

the vast misrepresentation of God to the people in search of God
and to the people God wishes were searching
is very much worthy of criticism
and i, for one, can't simply see and cover my eyes like the proverbial monkey
   pretending it isn't there

people will get you're real when you're willing to call it like they see it
to acknowledge the wicked with the good
to confess the dramatic failures and abuses down through the centuries ..
then they might listen to what else you have to say
they might hear you when you point to Jesus ..
because when you decide to cherry-pick, most people will leave the table
and you can just go ahead and preach to the same dyed-in-the-wool stuck-to-the-pew people you been telling that stuff all this time

fact is, christianity has lost its witness for the Christ ..
   astounding statement, no ?
and is driving harder into the losing business
the Gospel isn't preached
sins are defined and highlighted
   certain sins
   while others are neglected
people are painted with broad brush-strokes
   defined by this sin or that
while the holy ones sin in private, blinds pulled, lights off, 'cept maybe the light of the computer screen ..

we're found supporting massive government killing in pursuit of wealth and power
massive cooption of resources on every continent possible
massive disruption of the natural order of this planet while denying our destructive force
   under the proud starry stripes
watching (now that there are body cams and cell phones recording) as kill after kill is executed
   while denying the reality that segregation still exists in the minds of many americans
      segregation in the way we see people, segregation in the way we treat people
         black people, indigenous people, muslim people ..
homeless hungry children by the hundreds of thousands
   while $38.5 Billion goes to the holy nation of israel ..
..

there's a people that Jesus came here for
he came here for all people
of every stripe and shade
and the blood he bled at the end was the very same colour as the blood of all people
because we all are created in the image and likeness of God ..

when christianity begins its turn back toward the gospel of Jesus
when it repents
   and asks forgiveness of all the people
when it speaks again for Jesus
   and returns God to God's rightful place
then this blog will make its own turn towards a more 'positive' slant
..

until then ..
i got this firey burn in the pit of my soul
and it will not leave me alone
and i cannot deny it
and i cannot shut my mouth ..

i love Jesus
he said crazy things like
' unless you love me more than your parent or your sibling or your child you're not worthy to be my disciple '
' unless your righteousness exceeds that of the pharisees (the religious leaders) you will not enter the kingdom of heaven '
' unless you put aside the you that you've constructed, the person you claim to be, and die to that person, and pick up that cross, you cannot follow me '
' unless you're willing to lose the life you've built  .. '
..

follow him i must
i'm not doing a very good job of it, but there i be
trying

there is no other more significant call on my life
   whatever's left of it

it's his

..

if you read this and you think " i'm not sure i want to be in that kind of religion .. "
please know that there are people out here who don't like what they see either
and we understand your take on it
and that we're trying our best to let you know that Jesus scarcely looks like what you see across the christian landscape today ..
we're doing what we can with what we have to spread the love of Jesus
and to adjust the misrepresentation
to bring God back into focus

please forgive us for making such a mess of it
and know that you are loved
.. i love you
and God loves you more than you could ever be loved by anyone else
and God proved that in the life and death and resurrection of Jesus, the Christ of God

give us a chance ..

peace
and love