not the nation israel
but the concept behind the word ' israel ' as seen early-on in Genesis
i got on this thought out of the insistence of some that the ' truth ' of the Bible as we interpret it is the truth, and not to be trifled-with - ever ..
in this line of think there's no place for doubt in the believer's life, or for questioning
one person recently said to me that to doubt is sin ..
that kind of think is my brought-upcy .. i learned to walk in that teaching, and lived it for many years ..
' truth ' ( as in ours ) is fixed and there's no possibility of adjustment
so suck it up and solidify
stand yer ground and repel all naysayers
`|`
and God called-out Abram and covenanted with him
and renamed him ...
but the ' people of God ' the older Testament follows are not called or named after Abraham
they are named for one of his grandsons
who was himself named ..
the telling of that story at Genesis 32 is remarkable from several perspectives
( read the 10 verses, 22-32 here )
but the one i'm holding-out here is Jacob's determined persistence to know and be blessed by the preexistent Jesus ..
this is where my head is right now, in view of the calcified theology and the cemented mindset that i'm expected to hold on to
that incredible drive to be recognized, acknowledged and blessed by the One in the event
the impassioned overwhelming engrossment that drove everything else to the periphery
even his wives and children and vast possessions
( not that he sent them away - they were already separated
- but they were out of his mind now, whether present
physically or not )
it was as if nothing else mattered at all ..
.. is what matters to me here
this encounter
new encounter, strange yet familiar, bloated with possibility
leading he-knew-not-where
was the issue for Jacob ..
and my concern is that of being open and exposed to change and movement within the recognizable context of the God with whom i am somewhat familiar ..
perhaps even expecting change-up, what with the perennially and persistently present spirit of Jesus on the move in my life
or rather, at least wanting to blow in my direction, move me, adjust my course
change me ..
isn't that what the Spirit does ?
`|`
it's the settled, arrived, cemented think that will swamp me, suck me under until hardly anything of me breathes life, the bulk of me locked-into whatever deathening philosophy-cum-theology some ' great ' men thought had to be insulated and inscribed in sinai-stones and tied around my neck, my personal albatross
..
that cannot be God, methinks ..
i'd best be open-minded ( " perish the thought! " )
looking for naming by Him, willing to struggle, wrestling for a locked-in
entanglement that could well dislocate my theological hip while broadening
my view of this One who comes to wrestle with me ..
..
after all, it wasn't me that started this ..
it wasn't Jacob that started it ...
this was initiated by that Man who wrestles and eventually names ..
un-names and re-names
`|`
whether ' israel ' means ' God fights ' or ' he wrestles with God ', the explanation given by the Wrestler for the renaming is " you fought with God and man, and you won "
( whatever that really signifies in Jacob's context .. )
..
for me, i am left with a pungent taste of Jacob being challenged to wrestle with whatever or whoever .. and this wrestling is distinctively anti-settled, anti-cemented/fixed/unmovable
it is a muscled torsioning, every joint strained, a breath-sucking struggle to overcome the challenger, everything utilized in the effort, no energy withheld, every resource spent ..
God wants to move Jacob to some other place or level or understanding or trust - whatever it is, God wants him to move ..and, to me, that's the thrust, the finger pointed in my direction in this journal/post ..
i dare not simply accept ' my lot '
i've not arrived or attained or completed ..
..
i am but me, journeying
some things fall off as i walk
others i must strain to cut-away, leave by the side of the road
other things i find as i travel, securing them in my pack, for they are a benefit to me as i go ..
..
there's no standing still here in this life
no putting-down roots, no foundationing for a stable home ..
I am part of a Body-family on the move, always adjusting to the threatening unfamiliarity of this ever-scarier world, relying on our Leader and each other for the bravery-under-trust to humbly take the very next step ..
refusing to fold my wings and statue
..
only move
desire
reach
seek
adjust and amend
stretch
.. follow as best i can
using whatever is at hand, whatever presents itself, for the sake of continually transforming this struggling, wrestling disciple into the imaginative image of Master Jesus, the One who wrestles, who names, who blesses ..
`|`
( aside : >>
while writing this post, i'm listening to a 2011 discussion between Krista Tippett and Walter Brueggemann ..the point is made ( in the context of his Prophetic Imagination book ) that the call of the ( unqualified, unlettered ) prophets unsettles the hearers ..
and then this : it seems as if this call is to a ' holy unease ' .. " the Bible calls the faithful to not be too settled " ..
this at the very time i'm writing .. .
end aside )
`|`
it's notable that we are referred-to as ' pilgrims ', people on a journey, unsettled, unpinned, not dug-in
on the move, eyes shielded against the blinding glare of this world through which we journey, squinting to discover the next turn or oasis-rest or parched road that allows us forward on our pilgrimage through, toward, on ..
i dare not stand still
not now
it's late-on
and there are miles to go before i sleep
`|`
so yes ..
' who am i ' is indeed still a most pressing question
one i hope never to abandon
for in the day i relinquish that pursual i die
my true humanity freezes
i become a relic of someone i was meant to be
but never became
i must be becoming
Jesus is my becoming into
i wrestle to be there
`|`
where do You want me to go now ?
what direction ?
i want to struggle with You
even in my weakness
do not let me alone
..
i see You
I just read a prayer~ d
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