and God said ..

i cried out to You ..

with a loud voice i cried out
a voice only You could hear

I cried out to the Lord

my soul repeated the refrain
listened
   again
for answers

..

do You not hear me ?
will You not answer ?


Soul frantically waves his arms
   very like a Drowner ..
" HERE !   over here ! "

night upon lengthening night Soul clocks in
uniformed in his '?'-adorned blackness
untiring Watchman
relentless Crier
..

looking for You
   as my shadow lengthens
..

i cried out to the Lord ..
   to Whomelse would i cry ?

the Lord has been my Tether in the storms
my Recourse in my stumble
the Reminder of my Soul
   .. " i am with you .. always "
..

and the Lord heard my cries !

the Lord heard me !
 
   and said ..
..

praises to the Lord
blessing to the Name of the Lord
i lift up the Name
I lift it up
   even as i cry out
      " blessed be Your Name
         my God "

God answered me
spoke my name
   to me
stilled the hunger-cries of my Soul
..

i was lost
forsaken in my own eyes
desperate for God
adrift

and i cried out to the God Who Is There
   .. somewhere
and God heard my cry
and God finally answered me

i have heard the voice of God
   once more
the Lord heard me

   and God said ..
..
.

all ears ..

looking for You today ..

been at it all my life ..

and even though i wrestle with myself in these recent times
   i'm back

how can i not be ?

i have not arrived

sometimes i feel as if i am nowhere
   after all this time
      all this long struggle
..

still scratching at the Ground
implacable
looking for You
   i won't give up, You know
..

i thought ..
i was taught ..
i learned
   i thought i had learned You ..

now i drift
slow easy
watching
looking

i suppose You know that ..
don't be too hard on me
i'm trying
   really i am
..

.. are You there ?

can You hear me ?

i'm listening ..
all ears

waiting for You ..

or maybe waiting for me
   to awake from my lifelong slumber
   to see You
   hear You strolling in the garden as i scratch the Ground
      in search of You
..

i'm back here
scratching at You Ground

how could i do otherwise
i haven't found me yet ..
and i think i need to find You to find me
..

someone said i wasn't listening to You as You move
i needed to wake-up

someone said i was listening too hard
i needed to ease-up
..
ah?
eh?
You say something ?
what'd You say ?

..

looking for You
here
as i scratch at this hard dry unforgiving Ground
searching for forgiveness for the i i am
waiting for You to tell
to call
whisper
shout
speak my way
ask me something
   anything
demand of me
instruct me in the way
rebuke

   only say something
..

.. You say something ?

i'm all ears ..
least i think i am ..
..

someone said
" if you want to hear God, then answer Him, " yes "
and then ask, "What was Your question?" "
..
i like that

..

i want to hear
   all ears

speak Lord
Your servant listens
let me hear You in the Ground

i listen for You today
again
in the place that claims Your name
where goodhearted folk sing and express and dance and praise and agree and look all happy and excited and call Your name ..

i listen for You there
call my name

speak Lord ..

your servant ..

the nature of love ..

"
you can't learn to love people without being around actual people -
   including people who infuriate, exasperate, annoy, offend, frustrate,
   encroach upon, resist, reject, and hurt you,
   thus tempting you not to love them ..
you can't learn the patience that love requires without experiencing
   delay and disappointment
you can't learn the kindness that love requires without rendering yourself
   vulnerable to unkindness
you can't learn the generosity that love requires outside the presence
   of heartbreaking and unquenchable need
you can't learn the peaceableness that love requires without being
   enmeshed in seemingly unresolvable conflict
you can't learn the humility that love requires without moments
   of acute humiliation
you can't learn the determination that love requires without
   opposition and frustration
you can't learn the endurance that love requires without experiencing
   unrelenting seduction to give up

The way of love, then, is the way of annoyance, frustration, disappointment, unkindness, need, conflict, humiliation, opposition, and exhaustion. No one would choose it if love weren't, in the end, its own reward.
This difficult way, this way of love and suffering, this way of Christ is unavoidably the way of the cross.
"

Brian McLaren
( The Great Spiritual Migration, pg 184 ff. )

certain ? ..

sometimes when I'm tired of reading I listen ..
today it was an interview with Peter Enns about his book, The Sin of Certainty, Why God Desires our Trust More Than Our Correct Beliefs ..

if there's any sense of wonder or questioning in you about your life and the meaning of life, and God and you and how you relate, I recommend the listen

even if you're pretty sure you have it  all covered ..


go here

you'll appreciate the genuineness and the honesty and the insight

The Sin of Certainty: Why God Desires Our Trust More Than Our "Correct" Beliefs https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XHQA8P6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_-F9czbZGMXRYJ