walking into Death ..

yesterday ..
such a memorable experience with my friends
I washed their feet
I couldn't think of a better way to express Our love for them
   to them
they were scandalized ..

..

there is so much lost on humanity
people still refuse to acknowledge me as Son, Messiah
they hardly recognize me, even while they shouted, cried out for salvation - "Hosanna! Save us now!"

and now .. we are here at this place in history, witnessing this cosmic singularity - everything is brought to focality here, now, in this apparent nebulousness
   even as the people prepare to sacrifice their Passover Lamb

..

my soul rebels

..  

I have seen the hatred in their eyes, the scorn, felt their murderous intent in my bones
I do not want to be here

..

how can this be happening like this?
how can they not see 

..

I feel the gathering of the unseen powers of Darkness
   advancing, closing ranks

..

is everyone against me?
I am so hated  .. ..    ?
despised
   as if all the wrong ever done everywhere is my fault 

I cannot bear it ! ..

my very body cries out !
have pity 

how am I to endure this ? ..

Father 

Father            Abba ..   .  .

will you also go away?

surely we can do this another way 

Abba ... .. ... .

..

I am assaulted
   we are assaulted !

are you here?
where are you, Abba ..

..

I will do this
   but I need your strength
I need you! 

do not leave me to do this alone
I will not be able to endure it alone

..

I am not sure I can do this ..

how can there be so much hatred ? ..

..

the cosmic Scapegoat I am
   my blood drawn in their violence
how could our Imago Dei release such venom .. ?

how have they not seen us all along
   even now
      when we have come to them in person 

?  ..     ?

I am stumbling at this
you must help me
I'm going
but you help ..   .

Abba . .      ..           .