i killed a bird .. . .

this could probably be the most mushy post i've written ..
pardon me for the excursus from the usual to the journal-type ..
felt there was something somewhere in here that might be of benefit to someone somewhere

recently i've been working with a lawn maintenance company
this time around we're cleaning out a 6-acre lot filled with trees and plants and whatever else manifests itself in such an environment .. like weeds, like polkweed 'round these parts, and horrible stuff like poison ivy, the dread of the gardener

my part was to cut out any dry limbs and imposter-plants, pull vines from the trees/plants, and to dig up the durned polkweed ..
in my usual way, i became quite tunnel-visioned, concentrating on what i was charged with doing ..
but i did take breaks and look around me at the marvelous colours and designs God uses to thrill us and to house and feed God's creatures ..
lovely stuff

`|`

at one point, 2 days ago, i was fixated on pulling this endless vine out of a bush - must've been 20 feet long
yank and pull with whatever strength i had ..
and then i heard a sound, kinda like a soft "eep-y .. eep eep"
i finally realized it was coming from the bush, and looking closely i saw a nest
with 2 very-baby birds ..
wow
they were stressed by all my vigorous pulling and cutting
one had its mouth open wide .. a voiceless call for help, probably to dad or mum ..

immediately i felt .. bad
..
it was like i was real sorry for hurting the babies

i stopped the pulling, used a lopper to cut out whatever of the remaining vine was there, made sure the nest was secure, and moved on, away from the immediate area

`|`

and i found myself praying ..
i told God how sorry i was for hurting the birdlings, and asked that the parents come back soon to help them
..
it really bothered me
all through the remainder of the workafternoon they were on my mind

strange .. .

`|`

yesterday i was back at it
went to check on the birds, but there was this brilliant red flash of wings
up to a bush, down to the ground, on to a dead branch
back and forth and back, up and down and up
and sounding off with birdsound i'd never heard from a cardinal before ..
the dad-dude was on guard!
and he was real serious
like "back off!", "stay away from this area"

we know the natural response of parents to threats to their young
they will fight for sure (as per mama bear, for example)

then the mother cardinal appeared, flitting around just like the violentred dad, only not as close to me
the two of them kept it up the entire time i was in that area
i was further away from the nest, maybe 20 or 30 feet, but they were taking no chances ..
they wanted me to move away

and strangely, they never went to the nest, never got closer than 10 or so feet from it ..
later i figured they didn't want to locate the nest to me, in case i would harm their offspring ..
smart, that

i kept my distance

i didn't see the birdlings that day

but i prayed

`|`

today is day 3
i resumed work, but before i did i put an orange flag by the bush to warn the others who came in to help today, and told them why

i backed off and worked

when work was finished, i went to see what was up
no parents
no 'eeps' ..

i looked in the nest and saw one baby
not moving
after a minute i reached in and touched it
cold ..

and i was unaccountably downhearted
i know what i felt the last couple days
and this was a prolongation of that ..
but it was more than that ..
the bird was dead
at least one of them
i don't know if the other is alive or was scarfed by a predator ..
but this bothered me
this cold dead tiny body really bothered me
and that especially since i had prayed about it

`|`

we packed tools and carted them off
after i took off my wetmuddy clothes, and built a cup of the brown nectar, i dressed and went to the nest
i took it and the birdling
held the body in my hand as i walked back .. hoping somehow there was still life in there and the warmth of my hand would encourage life ..
i prayed, hesitantly at first
"restore life"
i found my self snickering at the thought .. am i thinking what i'm thinking ? ..
"you are life; you have the power of life; please give this bird back its life .. it's my fault" ..

and my heart was all in that thought, as i sat on the ice chest and folded the other hand around the body ..
and breathed on that body ..
..

`|`

well, by now you're wherever you are in your mind ..
as for me, i am besieged by this happening ..
i'm not sure exactly what went on in me
i like animals and birds and such, and never was one to wantonly kill creatures
in fact it bothered me when i saw people doing it
and increasingly i've been more and more bothered by it

a few weeks ago, as we were driving, i saw a young deer impaled on someone's metal fence - the fence had spear-like projections every few feet
apparently the deer had somehow gotten in but could not get out, and tried to jump

the body was still warm when i went to check on the deer

that bothered me too
i felt sorry for the deer
for a while

`|`

so ... .. what's going on here?
am i looking for blog material?
or trying to prove to someone i have a soft heart?
or trying to impress people that i'm on the environmental bandwagon and care about animals and hug trees?
..
what's happening in me? ..

`|`

i'm not exactly sure how to answer that question
but it's been happening, whatever it is
slowly i've been being changed
it probably has a lot of lead-up contributing inputs and influences and events over time

`|`

i wonder ..
if Jesus is the same Word that created everything (John 1)
and if WordGod is caring, and does things right ..
then creation in its pristinity was 'good', as Word said

so that all of creation is God's handiwork and is a manifestation of something in God
and anything that God does is good
and god-ly ..

leads me to .. i should be respecting God's godly good stuff
including birds and birdlings

`|`

i didn't think of it that way
it wasn't a process of thought
it just happened that way

something in me has become more sensitive to the Godness that lies in back of stuff
like the 'imago dei' in us humans ..
(even that's a hard sell when the 'imago dei' person just cussed you out or flipped you off or abused you somehow
in fact, some people are more inclined to respect and care about the animal world than they do humans ..)

how did it happen ?

well, i wish i could answer that
for you
and for me

i'm not sure
really

all i know is that my heart went out to 2 baby birds
one died
and i was praying
and even blowing on that dead bird in conjunction with my prayer
waiting for God to restore life
and was planning on how to care for that birdling, hopefully to see it fly off one day
healthy and happy as a lark ..
or a cardinal

peace to you

2-pronged - Jesus amazing thots + surrogating God ..

recently i've been posting readings from apostle John's gospel containing Jesus' amazing thoughts for his followers
John 13-17 is, for me, one of the most amazing passages of scripture ..
sadly, the preaching/teaching out of these is mostly restricted to a get-out-of-jail-and-go-to-heaven kinda thingy
leaving the pertinence of relationship in the dust of the escape module ..

the posts are here: http://denyingme.blogspot.com/2015/04/jesus-amazing-thoughts-for-his-followers.html
http://denyingme.blogspot.com/2015/04/more-jesus-amazing-thoughts-for-his.html
http://denyingme.blogspot.com/2015/04/yet-more-jesus-amazing-thoughts-for-his.html

and here: http://denyingme.blogspot.com/2015/04/surrogate-relationship-with-god.html

now to John 17, the apex of the whole deal ..

"After saying all these things, Jesus looked up to heaven and said, “Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son so he can give glory back to you, for you have given him authority over everyone. He gives eternal life to each one you have given him.
And this is the way to have eternal life—to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to earth. I brought glory to you here on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. Now, Father, bring me into the glory we shared before the world began.

I have revealed you to the ones you gave me from this world. They were always yours. You gave them to me, and they have kept your word. Now they know that everything I have is a gift from you, for I have passed on to them the message you gave me. They accepted it and know that I came from you, and they believe you sent me.

My prayer is not for the world, but for those you have given me, because they belong to you. All who are mine belong to you, and you have given them to me, so they bring me glory. Now I am departing from the world; they are staying in this world, but I am coming to you.
Holy Father, you have given me your name; now protect them by the power of your name so that they will be united just as we are.
During my time here, I protected them by the power of the name you gave me. I guarded them so that not one was lost, except the one headed for destruction, as the Scriptures foretold.

Now I am coming to you. I told them many things while I was with them in this world so they would be filled with my joy. I have given them your word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. They do not belong to this world any more than I do. Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth. Just as you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world. And I give myself as a holy sacrifice for them so they can be made holy by your truth.

I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message.
I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.

I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one.
I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.

Father, I want these whom you have given me to be with me where I am. Then they can see all the glory you gave me because you loved me even before the world began!

O righteous Father, the world doesn’t know you, but I do; and these disciples know you sent me. I have revealed you to them, and I will continue to do so. Then your love for me will be in them, and I will be in them.”

end quote ..

my friend, if that does not flatout rock your soul, then ...
it rocks mine
big time
as in huge ..

i am amazed and utterly moved by it
regularly

peace

an important read ..

the following is a book review of David Fairbairn's Life in the Trinity by a theology student
it is a good synopsis of the book


the reason for posting it here is a recent blog concerning our relationship with God, here http://denyingme.blogspot.com/2015/04/surrogate-relationship-with-god.html

i intend to read the book for other reasons, but the intimacy described in it is precisely where i was headed in that blog post; this is much better said

read it, ya?

yet more Jesus' amazing thoughts for his followers ..

"But now I am going away to the one who sent me, and not one of you is asking where I am going. Instead, you grieve because of what I’ve told you. But in fact, it is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate won’t come.
If I do go away, then I will send him to you, and when he comes, he will convict the world of its sin, and of God’s righteousness, and of the coming judgment. The world’s sin is that it refuses to believe in me. Righteousness is available because I go to the Father, and you will see me no more. Judgment will come because the ruler of this world has already been judged.

There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can’t bear it now.
When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth.
He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. He will bring me glory by telling you whatever he receives from me. All that belongs to the Father is mine; this is why I said, ‘The Spirit will tell you whatever he receives from me.’

In a little while you won’t see me anymore. But a little while after that, you will see me again.”

Some of the disciples asked each other, “What does he mean when he says, ‘In a little while you won’t see me, but then you will see me,’ and ‘I am going to the Father’? And what does he mean by ‘a little while’? We don’t understand.”

Jesus realized they wanted to ask him about it, so he said, “Are you asking yourselves what I meant? I said in a little while you won’t see me, but a little while after that you will see me again. I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn over what is going to happen to me, but the world will rejoice. You will grieve, but your grief will suddenly turn to wonderful joy. It will be like a woman suffering the pains of labor. When her child is born, her anguish gives way to joy because she has brought a new baby into the world. So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy.

At that time you won’t need to ask me for anything. I tell you the truth, you will ask the Father directly, and he will grant your request because you use my name. You haven’t done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy.

I have spoken of these matters in figures of speech, but soon I will stop speaking figuratively and will tell you plainly all about the Father. Then you will ask in my name.
I’m not saying I will ask the Father on your behalf, for the Father himself loves you dearly because you love me and believe that I came from God.
Yes, I came from the Father into the world, and now I will leave the world and return to the Father.”

Then his disciples said, “At last you are speaking plainly and not figuratively. Now we understand that you know everything, and there’s no need to question you. From this we believe that you came from God.”

Jesus asked, “Do you finally believe? But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me.

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

surrogate relationship with God ..

from time to time i've quoted apostle john's admonition ..
" .. you have received the holy spirit, and he lives within you, so you don't need anyone to teach you what is true, for the Spirit teaches you everything you need to know, and what he teaches you is true, and  is not a lie. " (1John 2:27)

richard rohr, who challenges me to step out and move on beyond the popularistic christianity, which is often mundane and shallow and panders to this world's spirit, made comments recently that reminded me of my responsibility for my own spiritual maturity
thanks to him

even though apostle john is speaking, in context, to false teachings/teachers, and points out that the spirit of God will confirm to each christian what is truth and what is lie, there is another aspect to his comments - the teaching of truth to each believer
so there's a 2-pointed intention:
1. the spirit of Jesus confirms truth
2. the spirit of Jesus teaches truth

because the spirit of Jesus resides in us, we have access, direct access, to truth
and as a result, we do not need anyone to teach us truth

we run from that
at our own detriment, at the relinquishment of our very maturity in Christ, at the cost of our intimacy with God through Jesus ..
what a sad sad thought ..

this, sadly, is an often neglected teaching in the Body of Christ
one of the reasons for this is "if i admit to the people in my church that they have responsibility for their own maturity and knowledge of the truth, i hand-over my authority over them; they don't need me so much anymore .. i need them to fund me!"
think about it

another reason is we're afraid of people speaking their minds on what God has taught them, for fear they're misled or misinterpreting scripture and thereby misleading others in the church ..
apostle Paul spoke in 1Corintians 12 about people prohesying in church and the only comment he made was the need to keep it to 1 or 2 people and that it be done one at a time, in an orderly manner ..
there was no sense of someone submitting what they had to say to the preacher or the board to be tested beforehand .. let them speak
thing is, you have the very spirit of God alive and resident in you, so that you know truth; if someone speaks against God, you will know it ..
or should .. .

i guess i've come to realize how dependent we christians are on others to tell us what is truth
and it's so wrong ..
very
because it costs me my intimacy with the living God ..

reading scripture and people's comments on scripture, and listening to preachers and teachers is important, as is communing with others in the community of the Body, sharing and encouraging and strengthening the Body of Christ ..
but to make that the seat of my truth is to fail, for the primary authority is Spirit on my spirit

rohr's statement, ".. Jesus left us his indwelling spirit as .. a source for true inner knowledge [= mine], which becomes a calm inner authority whereby we know things for ourselves .." is valid, and is neglected, is our loss, because we rely on others to teach us truth, when truth is only mine when i mine it, dig it out under the direction of the indwelling Spirit ..
borrowed truth is no truth to me
it is derivative truth
i must dig it out, discover it for myself
borrowed truth = i relinquish my responsibility as a temple-of-God person to dwell in the Spirit, nourished by Jesus' spirit, and resort to passively pew-ing, being spoonfed .. surrogate milk

relationship, fellowship with God, may not be second-hand
you ( i ) are stagnant, un-maturing, when we are bibbed and spoonfed ..
maturity requires constant and consistent Spirit-on-spirit communion and communication with Godself - personal, private, from the heart
that=relationship, not profession, pewing in church, reading professional comments, etc. ..

God wants my personal effort and involvement in my relationship with Godself ..
nothing else will do
how can anything else do ??
relationship is me relating directly to the other, as in marriage ..
you can't have a vital, lively, growing marriage surrogately
it has to be you ..

why cant we understand that's what a relationship with our God means .. ?
unless we don't really have one ..
or don't think that God is a real person .. ??

my friend, if God dwells in you (me) then God is relating to us
God is in us, with us, for us
why would we approach God's love in any other way than a one-on-one intimacy ..?

if i don't make the effort to spend time alone with God regularly, to have God constantly in my mind, to be talking with God regularly
then i question my relationship with God
if there's one there at all ..
anything else is pretense and fooling my self ..

beloved, let us love our God intimately
and let us love our fellowchristians even as we love our own selves

peace

must reads ..

for some 'strange' reason I saw the following two posts on my FB page this morning, and read them both

they are both exquisitely written by two highly intelligent people who are the unfortunate but horribly ordinary representatives of their people in north American society of today, and what they have to say Is what we need to hear .. for real..

I really want you to read them
reading these posts is for your own profit, and for the benefit too of those you influence
they serve as poignant reminders of the quite unjust and unfair society in which we live, and move .. and perhaps too of a mindset that follows us around ..

our children and our friends need to be affected by this injustice and discrimination in such a way that we all move in the direction of absolute equality on the basis of our shared humanity, our shared genus 'in the image and likeness of our common creator God'

further, if we are who we claim to be as disciples of Jesus, we have an absolute injunction by our master himself to love everyone as THE defining characteristic of those who claim his name ..

peace to you

http://www.torontolife.com/informer/features/2015/04/21/skin-im-ive-interrogated-police-50-times-im-black/?page=all&utm_content=buffer0b571&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/formerlyfundie/creating-a-common-memory-doctrine-of-discovery/

if you have any problems recovering these articles please comment me

"God is in control" ..

we like to say (and hear) "God is in control" ..

for one thing, that's what we've been taught, at least in conservative christian circles, for sure within fundamentalist-leaning churches and institutions of learning

perhaps another attraction for it is it allows us to make some sense of our dread ..
so that, if, for example, a person suffers from a rare disease or discovers their child's life is threatened by cancer, taking the position that it is 'God's will' seems to deify their otherwise inexplicable circumstance
"God allowed it and my responsibility is to accept that and to somehow glorify God through it all" kinda thingy ..
at least, we convince ourselves that is the case, even with the throbbing quetions that thinking fosters ..
"why me?"
"why my child?" .. ?
why indeed ..

in a recent discussion with a dear friend concerning a close family member who had undergone unsuccessful surgery, they said "we must not get in God's way" ..
when i pressed them to explain, the response was (in effect) that God does things to people to get their attention, including 'bad' things, like that rare disease and cancer threatening that child's life ..

i used to believe that
my religious upbringing was calvinist-styled, so that nothing occurs apart from God's will; God determines everything, and so knows in advance what will happen to each of us, and in fact determines what will happen to each of us
better known as 'God's plan for your life' ..

God engineers everything
God is in control
God planned it that way
so do not get in God's way .. dude

`|`

another friend made the comment that God gave them their heart attacks ..
i mean .. just think about how that sounds !
doesn't that just taste bad in your mind's mouth when you think it ??

`|`

i've been chewing on this for some days now
quite frankly, it rubs me wrong, and that not only emotionally, but biblically too

with all due respect to my friends, whom i respect a lot, and to their religious convictions and indoctrination, and also to the well-trained theological minds that led them (us) to this conclusion ...
it simply doesn't fit Jesus
he doesn't wear that religious conviction very well ..

`|`

i've come to the place where i believe that everything needs to be seen through the telescope and microscope of Jesus, and that where there is a discrepancy, Jesus' take on it is the take on it .. period

i've taken this as my entry-point because Jesus is the perfect (and perfected) representation of God in human form ..
besides the fact that he, as the Word, designed and created the universe, and that nothing that was created was created apart from him, he 'radiates God's own glory, and expresses the very character of God' (Hebrews 1:2,3)
the writer of the letter we entitle 'the epistle to the hebrews' then proceeds to justify that position, repeatedly demonstrating Jesus to be 'better' or superior to anyone, anywhere, anytime ..

so that my position is Jesus' position everytime - whatever his take on it is, that's mine, at least to the extent that i can determine his take; failing that, i look for the position that most closely reflects who Jesus is ie. how he thought, what he said, his attitudes and actions

so that, when Jesus redefined the long-standing Law with "you have heard it said ..., but I say ...", to me, Law just got redefined ..
"the Law says 'thou shalt not commit adultery, but I tell you .."
"Law says 'eye for eye, tooth for tooth' but I say .." ..
Jesus trumps Law .. even God's Law!

the scriptures are subordinate to and subject to Jesus, not the other way around
it is Jesus we worship, not the scriptures
(this is not to detract from or debase scripture btw)

with that in mind, i humbly approach "God is in control" ..

next time

peace