my Me-room ..

sometimes
    outstepping my transformation
i lie
   mostly to      Me
..

i walk by it      because this ..
in this particular room in my Mehouse
   Lies have adorned the walls for so long ..   
      i can hardly imagine this space without them
            familiar
            comfortable
            security-Lies
               of all the colours that suit the palette of this Meroom
..
sometimes
   which is far more often than i care to admit to you
      ( or You )
i go there to escape my new Me      transformed Me
         Me In Process
to walk away from the Me that just walked around the corner
   headed in my direction
!
dash !
left !      LEFT !
close the door!   quick!
..
knock knock      knock knock knock ..
shhhhhh .. don't open it ..
..
..

i slip into something comfortable
and gaze
   out of the periphery of my gaze
at the art i'd made
   to cover these walls
      obliterate the image s
      drown the sound s
      mask the scar s
         of me ..
                            no shiny surfaces
                               darkened
                               dimmed
                                  repressed

.. and i slowly ease Me into the Easychair
lost
   at last
   just for a bit ..
      rest ..
.
 .
  .   while the i that i am
         is shut out

      .. and now the acid rises in my esophagus
            and wet hot runs lines down my face
               eyes burn
            in this dingy dim
                  of my Meroom
   ..
.
.
i hate this place ..
   ..
i hate the smell of it
i hate the taste of it
i hate the dark
   the colours
   the sketches
   the faces
   the writing on the walls
   the clammy sticky chair
      that reaches out to grab my wrists and ankles
..
i hate it ..
i hate it ..
..
the blood rises in my face
   hot
as my pulse runs ..
teeth bite down hard
neck veins engorge
muscles strain
   to loose me from this madness
      in my entangling
      imprisoning
         Meroom      where my Lies still live
                             in all their grim awful
                                Dark Dread
                             in all their fearfulling ..
i hate it !
..
.
the sweat drenches in my escape
footprints paint the cold floor
..  more art in honour of
       my Lie s
..
wet fingers can barely turn the knob         curse !
   to get out !!
..
the door slowly moves
   heavy
   resisting me ..
it's steamy sick breath vomiting at my efforts
..
hard to breathe ..
..
arghh
..
out !!      out ..
..
      ..
   .
a cooling Wind anoints
   balming
   immersing
   floating
   weightless
      calming
      into Rest
      relief
         Rescue
..
      ..
one day
   soon         soon
i'm taking Me by the hand
   into that Meroom
      with spotlights
         and a whole new palette
and we'll refurbish ..
      there'll be flowers everywhere !
         the sounds of musics
                and a cooling Wind ..

.. make it so