i ask for peace .. a plea to the One Who Cares

here sit i
in my warm comfy clothing ..
in this intimate-y coffee shop with my connected cell and a worthwhile book ..
with the chatter from the adjoining restaurant serving up multicolored 'noise' to drown-out my barking mind pointing long fingers in my direction 

i sit here while un-counted others roam the streets and find lodging in public spaces to while-away their seemingly endless cycle of surviving the encroaching insanity of nothing solid, no fixed place, no acceptance, no fitting-in, nothing to rely on or fall back on
no hope ..  

in my comfort and security i dare not disregard my family, living in their insecurity and the constant threat of violence and aggression which could jump out from anywhere anytime ..
the level of stress underpinning such existence surely is degenerative, not merely emotionally and mentally, but physically, at the level of the gut, pulsing poison into every operating system of their body
and too soul-ly, questioning the very existence that screams cruelly in their face, mouth stretched wide, opening dark ominous avenues that lead down, only down, cavernous void spilling death-scented vapors into my atmosphere 

how on earth do they endure the night, tonight, tomorrow night, tomorrow's tomorrow night?
are they impervious to the never-ending flow of putridity drowning their present-space wherever they happen to be? 

do i realize the brave-ity required to get up out of my night-space and to face the oncoming traffic     again, on this another dread day ?
there is a certain resilience, a rebellious resistance to the daily challenge to my integrity, my sense of self-worth, my own estimation of Me as a human ..

how long does it take for that to unravel, leaving me threadbare, skin-on-bone, bereft of any substance, like some wispy tumbleweed blown across hot dry shadeless spaces, no place to lodge? 
a determination lies there, a persistent intention to not let the indistinctiveness of my existence force me over the edge into freefall .. down down into the dread darkness of the gaping mouth where Death lives 

i must respect that nobility of spirit that calls every morning with the cock's crow to get-up, straighten-up, pick-up, and head face-first into the oncoming hopelessness
there's grit there 

..

and then there are those whose mind slowly folds-in on itself as the shadows grow longer, darker, struggling desperately to deny that this could really be reality, the way things are
and so they develop friendships with their other Selves, thereby revoking their relationships, finding solace in conversations with their shadow-intimates ..
it's just become too much to continue processing, day after day, night after night, confrontation after confrontation, resistance to their Being staring them in the face with a big "NO!" wrapped in a speech bubble
.. life simply shouts "NO!" 

as i sit enjoying the opportunity to spill my mind on paper, knowing that tonight's 30s will be eased by the conditioned space where i dwell ..      what is my relation to those, my friends, my human family, who will steel themselves against the night's demons, staring into a dark sleepingbag or blanket, praying no one challenges your tenure here in this place tonight?      whether flashing blue light or desperate desperado

what should my motivation be?       my attitude?       my intention?   ? 

i ask for mercy of the One who lives there with them in that bag, and body-warmth, and comfort, and peace 

i ask for peace

      in Jesus' name

not 1 ..

 we want so much to be my individual self ..
"i can only think me, be me ..
   how else could i be?" 

and God marks it out from the beginning ..
2, not 1
a people, not Abraham or Isaac or Jacob
   or David or ..
a nation
   holy
a kingdom
   of priests
a body
   of parts 

specifically, God says, from early on (Lev. 19:18),
   "you shall love your neighbor as yourself"

not 1
1 is 'not good'
"i will make another .. and the 2 shall be 1"

i am a body-part
part of a body
   the Body of Christ

one body
   of me's 

we say
"but
   I am not you
   you are not me" 

true 

Trinity says
"behold .."

sounds of nature ..

 not absence of sound
     just no intrusive sound

sound of sounds that fit
     tweets and twitters and softened footfalls 
          on dried leaves
     a dog's pant
     the thrump-thrump of a blooded soul
          alive to the silent sounds of a live nature
     the valiant cry of a hawk in glide
     fresh-green moss growth
     gazillions of small white flowers
          blood-streaked where the stamen lay 
          at just this altitude               
               hardly another to be found
                    up or down

the wicked sound of gunshots
     crack!
     crack!
     crack!
     crack!
     betray the silence

and the responding deathly silence
     silences the silent sounds for a breath, or 3
     and then they venture abroad again

..

and i am delightedly human ..

resurrection and futurelife under Christ ..

".. if the dead are not raised, then not even Christ has been raised, and if Christ has not been raised, your faith is useless, you are still in your sins.  Furthermore, those who have fallen asleep in Christ have also perished, for if only in this life we have hope in Christ, we should be pitied more than anyone. 

But now Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead also came through a man. For just as in Adam all die, so also in Christ all will be made alive .. but each in his own order: Christ, the firstfruits, then when Christ comes, those who belong to him. 

Then comes the end when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father, after he has brought to an end all rule and all authority and power.  For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet.  The last enemy to be eliminated is death.  For he has put everything in subjection under his feet. But when it says 'everything' has been put in subjection, it is clear that this does not include the one who put everything in subjection to him. 

And when all things are subjected to him, then the Son himself will be subjected to the one who subjected everything to him       so that God may be all in all. "

the word of the Lord, as per 1Corinthians 15. 16-28

let the reader understand ..

walking into Death ..

yesterday ..
such a memorable experience with my friends
I washed their feet
I couldn't think of a better way to express Our love for them
   to them
they were scandalized ..

..

there is so much lost on humanity
people still refuse to acknowledge me as Son, Messiah
they hardly recognize me, even while they shouted, cried out for salvation - "Hosanna! Save us now!"

and now .. we are here at this place in history, witnessing this cosmic singularity - everything is brought to focality here, now, in this apparent nebulousness
   even as the people prepare to sacrifice their Passover Lamb

..

my soul rebels

..  

I have seen the hatred in their eyes, the scorn, felt their murderous intent in my bones
I do not want to be here

..

how can this be happening like this?
how can they not see 

..

I feel the gathering of the unseen powers of Darkness
   advancing, closing ranks

..

is everyone against me?
I am so hated  .. ..    ?
despised
   as if all the wrong ever done everywhere is my fault 

I cannot bear it ! ..

my very body cries out !
have pity 

how am I to endure this ? ..

Father 

Father            Abba ..   .  .

will you also go away?

surely we can do this another way 

Abba ... .. ... .

..

I am assaulted
   we are assaulted !

are you here?
where are you, Abba ..

..

I will do this
   but I need your strength
I need you! 

do not leave me to do this alone
I will not be able to endure it alone

..

I am not sure I can do this ..

how can there be so much hatred ? ..

..

the cosmic Scapegoat I am
   my blood drawn in their violence
how could our Imago Dei release such venom .. ?

how have they not seen us all along
   even now
      when we have come to them in person 

?  ..     ?

I am stumbling at this
you must help me
I'm going
but you help ..   .

Abba . .      ..           .

triumphalism vs. the way of the cross ..

" As long ago as the 16th century, Martin Luther boldly voiced a vigorous 'either/or' for Christian faith in terms of a theology of Glory or a theology of the Cross. 

By the former, Luther referred to an articulation of gospel faith that smacked of triumphalism that was allied with worldly power, that specialized in winning, control, and being first, and being best. For Luther that theology was all tied up with the European Imperial of his time. 

By the contrast of a theology of the Cross, Luther referred to the risky way of Jesus that is marked by humility, obedience, and vulnerability, standing in sharp contrast to, and opposition to, the hunger for Glory. The way of the cross for Luther is demanding and costly because it contradicts the dominant way of the world. "

Walter Brueggemann

the space between ..

3 days out and tensions are building, not only in the city of Jerusalem where everybody's congregating from all over to commemorate the Passover and the sacrifice of the paschal lamb, but also within You ..

the tension's building within You - this tension of the intention in the mind of God to free humanity finally, completely, and too the tingling in your flesh, anticipating the likely crucifixion to come in days, and the tremendous weight, the sin of all humanity over all time laden on You, the scapegoated Lamb, and violently thrust into You, and You become sin .. 

You become sin!  ! ??     ?

what a conflicting thought, what a paradox .. what incomprehensible tension - that the one in whom dwells all the fullness of God in a human body becomes sin .. there is no greater contradiction, no greater unholy imagination .. 

it's the very One through whom the imagination of God was created in all its fabulous variety and color and sound and image, finally and most intensely exhibited in the image of the human image of the invisible God ..         that very One now imagines himself pierced with nails, staked to a tree, spread naked for all the world to gawk and mock and jeer, and violently unload their own guilt .. 

there is no greater condemnation than that the creator of the universe visited creation in person, and was not only not recognized, but was rejected, condemned, assaulted, and executed .. the Creator was executed by the Imago Dei, the God-images, the being created to be like God

..

" .. their cheers as I entered the temple, "Hosanna! Save us now!", are prophetic in their own right ..
I wonder what will be their response when I'm taken and arrested and charged and accosted and threatened .. "

..

' While he was in Jerusalem for the Passover Feast, many of the people believed in him because they saw the signs he was performing. But Jesus, knowing in himself what they all were like, did not entrust himself to them. He didn't need anyone's testimony about anyone because he knew human nature, and needed no one to tell him what humanity was like. ' (Jn 2.24,25)

more servants please ..

o how we love to extol and to exalt, to bow low and to scrape at the feet of those in our religious tradition, those especially gifted, learned, and privileged to stand out-front - the likes of preachers, popes, and prophets, and ivory-towered intelligentsia ..

it's a sad and tragic practice
it assaults the integrity of the person to whom it is directed
   pulling at the cloth of their humility as if to disrobe ..
and too, it lodges in the minds of us plebes that there are lords among us
   besides the LORD YaHWeH
      whom we serve as Lord

this is a serious matter .. it is a tensile force, stretching the adulated one to lengths they were better not asked to reach
   pedestaling them
   when what was asked of them by God was to magnify the glory
      of the god we call God ..
glory misplaced is our problem
   for we so love to posture people, us christians
   and to be postured, us humans 

have we not seen?
have we not heard?
   long long ago
   that we are not designed to be glorified ..
      although we are destined for glory

this preening and cooing over the accomplishments of our siblings is preface to many Falls, and we are beginning to see their outcome, to watch in our increasingly publicized camera-ed atmosphere the tragic tumbling of our Humpties ..
   and the whole world looks on in bewonderment

what a violation of the very God we claim is god !
we preach God's integrity and trustworthiness
   and then we position, one after the other, little gods
      dressed-up in our praises and adorations
      on the altars as ripe sacrifices
         for the Adversary to draw blood
   and the whole world looks on         bewondered

when will we learn?

i came to this place in the wake of the ravi zacharias ordeal
   (of course there are many others, but this one held space for me personally)
may it be the seedbed of our repentance

the other prompt - reading reviews offered on a book by the also-famous Walter Brueggemann, for whom i have much respect ..
the book is Tenacious Solidarity, and i read those reviews on amazon's website
   (you should read those reviews yourself for context)
   folk just curtseying and bowing everywhere
.. our own royalty

while bodycams are exposing some of the horrendous injustices of our policing forces, our generally shrinking private spaces are lending our lives to more public surveillance, and the secreted sins of our 'clergy' are spilling like so much vomit all over the lectern
   unraveling the 'glories' of the ones we blow-up with all our hot air
   and offer up to be sacrificed to our gods

i understand that a book needs to be promoted, but the excessively laudatory comments were nothing but scarping at the feet of the author they endanger
   may God keep him

Matthew 23.1-12 says much about this sort of hypocrisy
   and that from the mouth of Jesus himself
you should read it ..

that's why the prophets don't stand within the camp
   but outside the Commons
   apart from the highlights
so their Voice can be seen to be not-of
   uncoddled by the people who love idols

"O christianity .. how i would embrace you
   as a hen gathering her chicks 
but you simply will not" ..

you are enamored by the flash and the glare of your sequined robes
   in the bright lights of your idolatry
..
turn
time to turn back
   to shed those robes
   don the sackcloth, and anoint with ashes fitting for repentance

we don't need more gods

we need more servants

needy ? ..

 i need to be careful not to dis-count those who come to the table but bring nothing to contribute, have nothing to contribute 

that does not de-value the person
it merely speaks to the place they are in this season of life, and i need to not judge why they have nothing 
nor why they have had nothing for however long they have had nothing .. .. .  

my response is to come alongside them at the table
they are welcome here every time, part of the family 

the intention is fruit 
   their fruit
   my fruit
the Gardener takes care of the pruning 

sometimes, maybe often for some of us, we find ourselves 'needy', a place we individualistic, dominating, success-driven, competitive westerners despise and denigrate and look-down on 

i must be careful whom i despise .. 

in them i may well find mySelf

you know me ..

where could I go to get away from You
   run from Your face .. ?
      where indeed? 

if I fly through space to some far galaxy   
   You ..
dig my way to Sheol   
   You ..
spread my wings and fly as far as the horizon   
   You led me there by the hand ..

I could fold myself into the darkest darkness 
   You still find me   
      .. night is as day to You ..

You know me so well
You know everything about me
   my coming and my going   
   my descent into sleep and my rising from bed ..
   You know what I'm thinking even before I think the thought ..
   You know every place I go and how I got there
   I can't even get a word in edgewise 
      You already know what I'm going to say ..

You're out front
You're behind me
You surround me 
   covering me with Your hand 

this stuff is off the charts
I have no way of comprehending it
You even knew me when I was in the womb growing into me ..
You did that - transform me into the complex intricate me that I am

You are wonderful for sure ..
somehow You knew me even before I am ..

and the fact that You even think about me at all is enough to make me fuzzy-headed 

how do I even process all of this?

                    (Ps 139, in part)