dance the dance ..

as we dance life
we misstep, crush a toe, trip a dancer ..
but dance !
the twirl upended a chair
but dance on !

the dance and dancing is the thing
not the misstep
dance !


aghh ! they stepped on my toe
purposely ?
to trip me ?
.. dance on !
i dance yet !
the trip is merely a feint, a stone in my shoe

i will dance yet !


swirls and twirls

passes and turns
tiptoed and slide ..
this dance .. it moves me
as i move through it
on it
with it


the dance and dancing is the thing
dance the dance


guitar bongo
sitar lute
fiddle my way
strum my heart
blow my mind ..
this dance ..


a day, maybe, i'll not dance ..
danced-out
winged dancers, maybe, will bear me away
to that great dancehall
under the mahogany tree by the lake

perhaps there i'll rest, a while ..
watch them move to a cosmic beat
a tenor not so familiar ..
and yet .. i recognize it
somehow


later .. after i've soaked my feet in that very blue clarity
i'll walk barefoot to the sandy floor
and swirl and twirl
and pass and turn ..

to that not-so-familiar recognizable beat
hands flung wide
face upturned

lost in the dance

dancing my heart away

to-a-tone  ..  
at-one

with the dance

in the image of God ..

and God said to Godself " let's create human, and let's create them in our image, like us "

and so it was that GodExpression stooped down and wrote in the dirt with a finger, and then scooped and scraped dirty clay into a pile, and formed an image of Godself, an image consisting of the very elements that had been used to make the earth


then GodExpression bent over the image and breathed Godbreath into its mouth , and Godimage lived, and breathed the very breath of God ..

and the living Godimage moved and had its being, imaging God, imagining all that God imagined for human created in the image of God ..

make it so ..

rumi-nating and shooting my self ..

rohr in his meditation today introduced rumi, whom I know a bit of, and quotes one of his poems thus ..

one who can quit seeing himself ~
I look for one simple and open enough to see the Friend, not an intelligence
weighing several perspectives. i want an empty shell to hold this pearl not
a stone who pretends to have secret center, when the surface is all through.
I want one who can quit seeing himself, fill with God and, instead of being
irritated by interruption and daily resentments, feel those as kindnesses ..

end quote

`|`

the enigma of loving my enemy ..
the enemy is
me

Jesus hit the road hard when he said to love my enemy ..
initially I saw that as an opponent in war, then an antagonist in a fight, then a coworker who disliked me intensely or someone who challenged my religious views, then an irritating antagonistic family member, then a roommate ..
and all along I never recognised the real enemy was me

some years ago I led a Bible study in which I 'wisely' attempted to teach the principle of the small self
my tool was a drawing ..
the point of the drawing was, the bigger the target the easier it is to hit it
if I'm too large people can easily strike, or, the smaller I am the less of a target ..
that really is a lopsided way of pointing out the too-large 'I', for it isn't the problem of the shooters, it's the issue of the target .. the shooters matter not
mine is to take to heart the words of John the Baptizer .. "he must increase and I must decrease", or as rumi put it, this far-too-often feeling of assault, of 'anti' aura directed at me, of conflict thick and swampy, is me ..
it is 'I' struggling .. for what ? ..
the absence of conflict ?
the acceptance of the other ? .. rather the acceptance of me by the other
my desire to be liked, respected ? ..

methinks I'm far too important to me, much too large in my own estimation
the mystic, non-dual (rohr) mindset seeks to simply be, to allow the assault or confrontation, to not be irritated or resentful, but in the crazy unlikely words of Rumi feel those as kindnesses ..

that is totally crazy
impossible
as impossible as the words of that famous rabboni - " love your enemy ", because your enemy is you

And the only viable way to do that is to 'lower' my self to their level, cut my own throat instead of theirs ..

then embrace the bloodied me

u gotta read this

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7770652

sometimes you read something and you know it got ya ..

go for it

it's far better than the post I've been struggling with for days

church of ' the last shall be first ' ..

got irons in the fire .. but they need to simmer a while, i think

meanwhile, the thought here is a recurring theme of my soul .. pardon the revisit

`|`

i've become convinced (in my own mind) that the church of Jesus Christ has undone the gospel in its fullness ..
it has defined and shaped, by its actions and proclamations in creeds and such, an organisation built on human logic, method and agenda, when what Jesus intended and instituted was an organism, a lively interplay of familial beings living-out life together in all its facets, the pain and sorrow alongside the healing and joy ..
life lived

the kingdom of God is not of this world, neither are the weapons of our warfare .. the entire structure and underlying worldview is otherworldly ...
adopting worldly views and weapons provides for an ungainly creature, hobbling and wobbly, bouncing off walls .. people are hurt by it, ' imago deis ' are wounded and bruised, both within and without the body, having to hobble along through life ..

that is not Christ's church .. it is some wrecked and ruined, wretched and ruinous animal with missing teeth and claws, contending for worldly territory ..
it is mutant

`|`

Jesus' vision for body is, first and primary, love .. out of that all else proceeds ..
love fires the motives, the actions, the responses, the agendas, the teaching and preaching, the ' ministry ', the relations, both within and without ..
it must colour the walls, adorn the sanctuary and the soup kitchen, drape the windows

so that when they speak evil of the church, they do so out of a frustrated attempt to undermine and fracture an organism fueled by selflessness, dwelling in a  culture driven by ' mine's ', their arrows unable to penetrate the flesh that absorbs hatred and violence and division and abuse and assault, a kingdom that operates ' from above ' , withstanding and overcoming, maturing and thriving on its alternative energy source, its life informing and educating even the otherworldly powers and authorities who look on in wonder and puzzlement ..
all the while present ..
in the world
living with and in
part of, yet not of
sharing, caring, listening, refuge-ing, embracing
speaking by being ..
lovingly present and available
open to all, but particularly those on the verge, those with no doors, the shut-out, the reject, the despised, the hated
particularly those .. for the last shall be first ..

`|`

this upside-downedness shines a blazing light on the market-driven capitalistic mind, society indoctrinated with must-have, more, and mine ..
by its pure and simple attitude of caring and sharing it upends ' getting ' and opens its hand - " come, thirsty ones; come and drink of the water of life freely ' ..

the church response to violence cannot be violence, to hatred cannot be hatred, to abuse cannot be abuse ..

this living being bears a Head scarred by thorns, wet with tears, compassioned ..
the one who begged forgiveness for his murderers while his blood willingly coloured the dry hardness of the dirt from which we all are made, beckons us to follow him .. even when it feels like God is forsaking me

`|`

it is in releasing, in the letting-go of life, that the life of God is manifest .. life given, not frantically grasped
' I ' poured out .. the continual emptying of Me makes room for living water, a well bubbling-up within, overflowing the fresh clarity of Godlife onto a parched earth .. giving life, verdant with Godlove, which binds everything in perfect harmony

that is the vision, the molten core of the church that Jesus built

ours is to revision that vision, refresh it
live it to the world in which we must be present

peace to you

smallmindedness, fractions, and God ..

readers familiar with this blog know that it's personal - it's a refection of my mind as i work my way through life-as-it-is at now ..

this morning i wrote in my journal - which is absolutely private, as in between me and my God .. however, as the day progressed i recognized God in it all, and thought i would share the shareable parts ..
maybe you will find something there for you
please be advised, like they do in the movies - 'language'

`|`

the blog ..
" i live in a bullshit world of bullshitting people, of personal agendas and selfish motivations, where smallminded people care for naught but their own, and twist the lives of those within their influence to feed their sense of self and achievement ..
this could rightly be called manipulation = abuse

mine is to find a clear path such that i don't end up with that warm mess between my toes ..

today, Lord master, please open my mind to the good and to life and to sunshine and to colour .. and to somehow embrace the frustration .. "

`|`

then i went to be with church
the message today was like .. for me, mine, i did it, I am it ..
it's sooooooo my blogmind kindathing

the preacherman spoke on our false self, the unreal us that we create to impress people .. our pretense and posturing to image who i'm not to get people to like me .. so that people never really get to know the real me that i am
and the people in my influence lose out, because they never get to meet the me i was designed to be ..

and what we end up doing is manipulating people with our smallminded concept of reality and some false concept of who i need to be to win the approval of people, which i apparently need to fuel my false identity ..
it's all a twisted confusing web of lies and fractionated lies and truths and fractionated truth ..
1/4's and 1/2's with decimal points ..
and lots and lots of zeros

`|`

and then i thought ..
perhaps i'm part of the bullshit ..
i am smallminded ..
i am manipulative ..
i twist the lives of others to suit me
and my sense of wellbeing is watered by how well i do that, how many likes i get on my FB page or blog

`|`

when i flip back a couple pages in my journal i read of a struggle i'm having with my self over this dualistic mindset of mine - being bothered by things that bother me, and unable to deal with it ..
it's been on for far too long ..
it repeatedly rises to the surface, and i can look at it, chase it away, pray about it, and 3 minutes later i'm back in that smallmindedness - bothered, critiquing, not understanding 'their' smallmindedness and allowing that to upset my teacup, spilling stuff all over the laced tablecloth ..
again and again and ..

i have to stop letting people influence my mindset ..
find my identity and value and wellbeing (shalom) solely in Jesus ..
and i have to love those people that frustrate me ..

it is what it is .. let it be, and move on

`|`

else .. what's this life for anyway ? ..
i mean, am i following Jesus or what ..
and if i am, then this internal struggle with smallmindedness and smallminded people simply will not cut it ..

simple

`|`

i just though that maybe when you read this and see God move from my journals over the last few days, to my journal this morning, to the message for the church ..
well, it's kinda like i get this warm feeling inside ..
'cause you know what ?
God's working on me
and i know he is
i can see it
feel it

and i like it

peace to you

my take on Jesus' take on it ..

it's been germinating, and i'm still lost ..

the happenings of the past few weeks in this united states have brought us to talk, to consider, to bark, to bite, to burn churches and flags, and to group - drawing deeper lines in our heart, or erasing heartlines - as america struggles with racism, gay issues and the rights of this world's kingdoms vs the kingdom of God

that is a mouthfull and a brainfull
and a heartfull

we struggle with what we were taught, how we were brought up, what the preacher says, what our friend said ..
and it tears at us
rips in some cases

`|`

to me, the saddest part is ' christianity's ' battle; not with the governement or the gay or the racist, but with the brother there, the sister here, that church and this congregation and that denomination over there !
locking and loading ..

and Jesus bleeds, great tears, as-it-were drops of blood, pooling deep red in the sand at his feet ..

`|`

seems to me (= my opinion) .. most of it amounts to illwill badfeelings anger .. hatred
.. .

one day Jesus stood on a hill somewhere in his homeland and said some things that simply upset everyone's applecart, particularly the religious applecart, his religion's applecart ..

crazy things that people, to this day, mull-over and write copious missives to explain

one of the definitive comments he made concerned being 'perfect as your father in heaven is perfect', a radical injunction which totally blindsides me as i try to wrap my brain around being perfect like God ..

at Matthew's account, chappter 5, begging at verse 43, he said this:
“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 
But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven, for he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 
If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. 
But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect."

when i read this, i'm struck by the unlikely, improbable concept of loving someone i hate ..
how do you do that exactly ..
like, dude .. there's no such thing as a round square

kinda like some other stuff he said - " want to experience true life? kill yourself every day. " = commit suicide

..

well, it doesn't say much that you love your family and friends and buddies in your church .. everybody does that
the thing that will define you as children of God is to love the one you hate
the black
the rebel
the gay
the racist
the jew
the white supremacist
the flag burner
the ISIS
the hitler
the drunk that killed your child
the person that abused your child
the person that stole your life-savings
the boss that hates you

love them

because, you see, that's how God works
that's the heart of God
he sends sunshine and rain on the evil and the good ..
you do likewise .. if you want to be recognized as children of God
if you want to be perfect like your father in heaven

no distinction

..

so that when the church's response to the SCOTUS decision is that america, a country ' based on christian principles ', is walking straight into the jaws of hell, inviting the judgement of God on this nation for its blasphemous wickedness, like sodom and gomorrah ..
then .. i wonder ..

when the preacher's response is to look out for the next earthquake or tornado or hurricane to destroy and maim, claiming that is God's judgement
actually wishing for it ..

when the preacher's response is that we are closing-in on the end, and we should 'look up', for the return of the Lord is near at hand ..

i wonder ..

is that our response, as people who wear the defining mark of the Christ, stand under the sign of the cross
that very cross on which he submitted his life without fighting back, without hating
he asked God to forgive them because they really didn't understand what they were doing ..

that was Jesus
my master
our master

and we draw weapons, holster bibles and sharpen tongues, spew venom from pulpits, point fingers and ball fists, spittle splattering the pulpit ..
we walk the very road Jesus told us not to take
by the doing, we identify ourselves as not children of God, as we sit in our pew and sing those songs of the faith .. "onward christian soldier!"
take 'em down!
we can't wait for God to return and judge these wicked people!

" i just can't wait to leave this evil earth and go to heaven " ..

`|`

seems to me (= my opinion) that Jesus came here to show us how to live, and the defining mark, as in the mark, of Godattitude he exemplified was love ..

he was teaching us how to be real humans, like we were designed to be
he was telling us to beat the swords into ploughshares and turn the spears into pruning hooks
he was erasing lines in the sand with his sandals, while writing 'love thy neighbour' in the sand with his finger

he was telling stories about enemies loving each other, that hated Samaritan undoing the religious Jews snobbery of their robbed and beaten fellow-Jew, showing love and care
for his 'enemy'

`|`

Jesus wasn't telling us to look to escape the evil of this world
God desires that all people everywhere repent, and is longsuffering, bearing the assault on Godself, the spittle on Godface ..
God wants noone to perish, as in no one

God wants us to face the evil, to embrace the 'evildoer'
to love my enemy as my self
to love my enemy
as if my enemy was me
i am my enemy
my enemy is me

we all are created in the image of Godself

we all are worth life

mine is not to hang on to life
it is to understand that real life is life spent (in the real sense of that word) in the service of the other, including my enemy other, especially my enemy other ..

for what is our life ? .
it is but a breeze, a flower fading, a weed blown with the wind ..

real life is Christlife, offered willingly for the others in my life
even the one that would take my life

offered willingly
in Jesus' name
for God's sake