forgetting, and the cramps ..

it's been a while
besides being sick, i've felt the loss of my self .. i'm over there, somewhere
both body and soul languishing, me wondering about life, peeping around corners to catch a sight of me
..

then there was politics ..
astonishingly there was someone in the running who wasn't cut from the established cloth, someone who dared to call-out the reigning powers, looking them dead in the eye, unafraid - that's rare ..
and, more impactful, someone who cares for the lessers in society - you know, the ones that are snubbed and scoffed for being poor or homeless, or can't afford health care or an education .. like that

i fell-in .. for the first time ever i was sold-out, especially considering the alternatives, on both sides .. every other person on the redandblue carpet reminds me of why i never involved myself in the political scene .. a total waste of time, in my truncated view, my naive outlook
..
as a christian, i'd crystallized the fundamentalist concept of staying out - deal with the spiritual side of life and leave the social to the people 'of the world' ..
that changed over recent years, as i admitted the good in christians standing with the abused - MLK and those that walked with him serve as one outstanding example - and saw people in my new circles participate

so when i finally found somebody espousing the embrace of humanity as a whole, i leapt
..
that person is seen as a wildcard, an outsider .. they don't fit america's idea of american-norm
and that's fine by me - neither am i
..

however .. over the last few days something has been aching in my spirit-gut
i couldn't identify the parasite, but it was an occasional sharp pain accompanied by bloating ..

and then i read stuff about some of the candidates for unarguably the most powerful office in the richest and most powerful country on the planet .. ever
i found myself sitting folded in a darkness i can't describe, a hopeless lostness ..
my naivete had shown its tousled, unkempt head again and i was struggling desperately to stomp the bastard back into his hole, to refuse to accept that i could be so spaced, so literally illiterate at 50-something

`|`

that pain .. i understand now what it is
it's an old scriptural principle that i forgot .. or rather, shoved aside in my newfound enthusiasm, a principle that says " don't put your trust in princes or in humans or in chariots " .. your trust - the thing in you that resorts 'there' when the chips are down, goes just there when all your stuff hangs by barely a thread, there when the real you surfaces - is only ever deservedly spent on one person .. God

i'd lost that

so that, regardless of my confessed naivete and the potential for headinthesand, i, especially i, am only ever in the appropriate place when my think bubbles out of my Godheart ..
some may call that a safe place to retreat, to hide
i like to think of it as a refuge
some may see a slippery slope into quicksand
i see a rock
..
after all, it isn't whether or not i'm running-from, escaping .. that argument could go on for a while .. rather, it's this: my rock - the place i stand and land - and my fortress - the place i sleep and eat in safety - is my God

it isn't a rationale
it isn't a hidingplace
it's a dead-on principle that allows me a worldview above the current mess, while allowing me to be in the mess, part of the mess, getting messy with those around me for the sake of the kingdom of God, a concept that encompasses all nations, all people, all classifications, for reconciliation ..

i am obviously unable to make heads or tails of the mess
but that doesn't matter .. it doesn't because there's someone who is fully capable of doing that, and all i know (remember) is this: follow that Man, and i can't go wrong

i have learned again the enduring lesson that i am not the authority (my blatant ignorance of it all attests), and neither can anyone else provide 'the' perspective or have the definitive answer

Jesus walked the Godwalk, talked the Godtalk, did the Godthing .. done ..
mine is to stay in that sphere, know my place, and look to emulate Him ..
aside from that .. well, there's life in all its complexity and nuance to be lived; people in all their abridged humanity to know (and try to understand in my introvertedness); good deeds to be done - as someone wrote sometime past: " God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. "  (Eph 2.8-10)
..
there are two sides to that 'salvation' as it concerns this post ..
one is that God saves us: nothing we do
the other is we are saved to do

the confusion and disbelief i repeatedly encounter (as naivete) arises out of my passion to understand the depths of the human circumstance; i can't disavow that .. it's an integral part of my person
but one of the principles that allows me to keep my curiosity in perspective is that of trust in the Divine

and now, i'm off again .. trying to understand, hoping to be of use to someone, praying that my life will not be in vain, aspiring to Jesus in all his genuine humanity ..

and btw, i'm still pulling-for and praying-for that presidential appointment ..

peace to you

pause ..

i saw the stars just now
   didn't study or ponder them
   just noticed

i'm thankful for eyes to be able to see such wonder, a brain to know what they are, and a heart to interpret and appreciate

i know You're there
somewhere ..

whenever i pause to look
there You are


may i pause more

to vote or not ..

i've been flapping my arms wildly (and other non-mentionable crazy stuff), trying to figure how (and if) to speak to what-amounts-to a radical change in stylie for me ..
the issue is politics
and the issue is Christ
..

for the first time in 50+ years i'm engaged in the politics
and that's saying a whole bunch ..
(i used to be interested, but declined to vote because i could find noone to vote for; i don't vote party)

i couldn't ever handle the distinct impression i was being taken for a long windy ride
liars, the lot
deceitful and manipulative
   = abuse
i'm not into abuse

that from a principled p.o.v.

added to that there was my religious inclination - i'm not a citizen of this world, my focus is prepping people for the next one, leave the issues of this world to this world ..
then i ran into real Gospel and everything turned around
i realized that you can't bypass life to get to a person's soul
   a hungry man is hungry ..
   an abused woman is abused - attempting to ignore that abuse and head her
   toward heaven simply don't fly in the real world
.. and God is a realworld God

i found that serving that person's needs was a good way to open windows into the spiritual, that trying to do Jesus gave them a way to see Jesus ..
and that much moreso than the old tract-and-convict routine
   which now leaves a sour taste in my mouth

..

politics ..
even after my spiritual mind changed, politics was still a nono
perhaps even more so ..
how a government that claimed the title 'democracy' could treat its people so was beyond me ..
all sense of 'by' and 'for' the people was a lost critical pillar of that claim, while the wealth-minded pandered their way into influence and power and $ ..
the palliative politics has become a means to keep the citizens penned-in and cow-towing, serving the masters
..

then i ran into a politician who expresses some things that are 'worthy', to me anyway
and i started to think about my position
i've come to this place: when a politician moves in the direction of Jesus, whether or not they know it, then my responsibility is to support that person

so that when i see someone concerned for the poor, the vets, the homeless
and taking a position contrary to the monied manipulation of government for personal power and to shore-up the power of the monied movers
then i believe it is incumbent upon me to help that person achieve that

..

on the road the other day i tuned in to a christian station (stupid! me - will i never learn??)
the preacher is a well-known person in my used-to-be circle, JVM ..
i tuned in just at the point where the gentleman was castigating members of the clergy for joining-in with 'the world' in marches and other forms of civil expression of disapproval ..
and he was quite angry about it too
he thought it un-clergy-like
as if it was antiGod ..

and i sat there and thought of Abraham Joshua Heschel, and Rabbi Maurice Eisendrath and the Rev's and other ministers of the christian religion who linked arms and walked in the name of justice and freedom with the iconic visionary and tireless MLK, who gave his life for democracy and freeeeeeeedom ..
who am i to judge such principled and Godfearing men ??
nah .. in fact, i stand in shame for not being more solidly with the marginalized in their suffering, standing-up for the abused, representing the hurt

i stand in shame for that
for where there is injustice and inhumanity, i should be out front

..

today i am a different person
when i see someone standing for right, against injustice and racism and moneyprivilege and inequality in a nation where, according to its very constitution, all people are created equal and endowed by their creator with ..
when i see someone in politics daring to fight against the unjust and inhuman reality of the wealthy fixing the economy and funding politics to promote their greater wealth, while the ordinary person suffers from deprivation
i join in, however i can
i open my puny mouth
i support

so there ..
i fessed-up

where i can find someone moving for the welfare of the people, i can find Jesus' mind
and mine is to follow that Jesusmind wherever

i actually prayed for that politician
'cause the images of God that populate this country are, for the most part, hurting and in need

unlike the religious evangelicals and whoevers, who support some americanised aberration of christianity, and from whom i find my self increasingly distancing as they become more and more unChristlike, i want to see freedom and sharing and caring and compassion and love ..
and just to be clear on that, liberty university stands out in my mind

unlike the churches that invite Righties to 'preach' to their people, assuming the right to lord it over them as to how they should vote their conscience, i want to see a free people following Jesus in their exercise of their religious freedom to vote or not as God and their conscience tell them, and not feel pressured by their propagandizing clergy

unlike the church's caring more for themselves than for the homeless and the children living in poverty and the mentally unstable and the .., who elicit tithes for their empires, i want to see churches turning their pockets inside-out to buy a meal, to launder a homeless person's clothes, to find shelter for a woman and her children .. to offer help to the helpless, aid to that struggling human brother or sister ..

it's long time overdue for us to stop playing at being religious and to show our love for Jesus by loving
and that love can only be shown in this: "when i was hungry, you fed me; i was thirsty and you gave me a cup of cold water .. for inasmuch as you did it for them, you did it for me .."

..

that's my politics
it is grounded in my love for Jesus and my appreciation of his love for every human, created in his image
the image of God is in them as it is in me

any time, then, that i see an opening for justice and peace and mercy i'm in
for me to do otherwise would be disingenuous, and a denial of Master and his Way

i simply cannot be that

it's not my duty as a christian to vote
but it is my duty to support Jesus' kingdom agenda wherever i see it, even in politics ..
for the love of my neighboour

peace to you

the live Gospel ..

i used to imagine that my contribution to the kingdom of God was preaching and exemplifying 'the gospel' which, most of the time, took the form of The Romans Road to Heaven, a pocket-sized embodiment of the way to become a child of God and get to heaven, in so many words ..

i now know this
the gospel is far far greater than what that tract promoted

the gospel is the reconciliation of the very cosmos by the Lord Christ
and it lives
it is not a thing
it is life
all of life
every part of life

the Good News is that we are beloved by the Creator
and by his grace embraced
embraced

we have forgotten our Creator for so long we fail to recognize that Presence
but when we are allowed to see the Presence in someone
" it's as if you did it for me "

the Gospel lives in us
we are the Gospel
it is shared, not by words written on paper or tweeted
it is a live presence radiated by the Presence
..
unmistakable
and virtually irresistible
   when it is found in its fullness
.. in whom it is found in its fullness

..

that gospel was lived-out in a man
Jesus

ours is to find his heart and share that as we live among our neighbours
an open heart
a thoughtful mind inclined toward the beatendown
a free soul, more concerned for the people than for religion
intending they see Jesus' face in ours somehow
   and hear him speak directly to their soul

only that Gospel is worthy of the name ..
the one i left pales in its compare
this one the richer
the realer
the personGospel .. a real live Gospel, sitting right next to me


to preach and to proclaim has its place
the prophet and the teacher have wise words to give
   when they are found in their fullness
   in whom they are found in their fullness
..
but the LiveGospel flies a truer shaft
direct to the heart
   methinks
..

there is a person who lifted me out and breathed life into me
i live by His hand
all that remains is for me to serve my Lord Christ
Master
friend
brother

that's really all that remains

everything else must be subordinated to that Gospel
in me

reach out in faith ..

There is a marked difference between pride and arrogance and wagging a finger in God's face,
and the understanding that God understands humanity through Jesus' experience of humanity, and expects to hear from us, what's in our heart..

There's a difference between disrespecting God, treating God as if God was our equal,
and confronting God in our doubts, our un-understanding, our pain, our lostness..

There's a difference between accusing God,
and questioning God because we just don't understand how this could be so, why that happened..

Notably, it is in the very act of facing God with our heart's truth - in trouble, in depression, in forsakenness,  in loss, in our proneness to wander, in our weaknesses, and our doubts - that we in fact express our faith, for it is nothing to claim faith in God when the garden is full of roses, everything to reach out to God when there is no beauty before us, in drought, in famine, destitute..


That defines our faith, for it demonstrates that we believe in God enough to trust God to be real, and to be relational, and to care enough to answer us ..

we're all in need of embrace ..

i watched 'Time Out of Mind' with richard gere
days on the street with a homeless person
kinda what that's like

not much drama
not much plot
not much thrill
..
just life on the street for a 'middle class homeless' man
   there are classes of homeless, you know

..

someone said it was boring ..
well, there's that
not much excitement in the life of middle class homeless
life mostly consists of pointlessness
   no point in getting up in the morning
   kinda thing
      no job to go to, lawn to mow, dinner to cook, football game to watch ..
the only real motivation lies in the pit of the stomach, and the muscle shivers, and the body smell, and the dirty shirt ..

so, ya .. not much in terms of exciting movie stuff there
or exciting homeless lives
most of it is the daytoday slog of meaninglessness
   and the slow deepening of the depression that goes with that
and the unimaginable loss of any sense of self respect
   as they watch themselves sort through a garbage can on the street
      in full view of everyone .. and choose something to eat
   and face the night in a dark alleycorner as everyone heads home
      to family to dinner a warm shower fresh clothes and bed

..

and then, there are the lower class homeless
the ones that get caught
that can't stand themselves to the point of having to 'self-medicate'
alcohol
meth
heroin
oxy
..
have to find a way to quell the mind
   stop my mind!
'cause they have a hard time seeing their reflection in the store window
   that's .. me ..??
admitting that's me ..

there's more of course ..
selling my body
someone taking my body without my permission
someone taking my stuff
someone beating me for whatever stuff they thought i had
   cause they need their fix too, you know
   they have their demons too

..

so ya, there wasn't much excitement there
just the realization that noone acknowledges homeless panhandlers
   'course there is the odd-one-out
   like the restaurant owner that offered him rice and something ..
most of the time the only acknowledgement is
   " get the hell outa here! "
   or " get a freakin' job ya bum! "
   or the daughter that hated the very sight of this, her dad, who left her
      with grandparents
      dad, that lives a feel-sorry-for-yourself-life in a bottle

..

i had my memories ..
   time spent on the west coast among homeless folk
and the movie resurrected my dread feelings of hopelessness and my own self-loathing for not being able to resurrect them, save them, heal them, give them back their humanity

..

when Jesus said that we would do much more than what they witnessed him do in his time ..

what answer will i have to give him when i see him

what answer do i have for them

.. .

and then i think of my own spiritual homelessness
my own addictions
my own delusions
my own desertions
my own struggle to blankout my
   own accusing mind
my own struggle to find spiritual
   food every day
to find a reason to get up
digging in garbage cans for hope
.. handle my own demons

.. perhaps there's a hellofalot more homeless in me than i care to admit to me
      spiritual bum!

..

then
imagine Jesus walking the streets at night ..

can you ?

what do we think his reaction would be to that homeless person
lying there
alone
in their bottle
needle still in the vein

??

what do you think his reaction would be to me
in my homeless aloneness
in my bottle
my spirituality shredded in that pile of garbage
   leaking out of that needle

??

i think
compassion
and embrace

absolutely !

..

mine, then, is to find a way to embrace me in my spiritual brokenness
and embrace my homeless brother and sister in their brokenness
in Jesus' name
in Jesus' place
..
for the love of God

addiction and connection ..

one of the most 'christian' talks by someone who never mentions the word
about a massive issue in our lives ..



brilliant, and very very true

i hang my hat right here on the addiction issue
especially among the homeless ..


watch it here