falling into colourful suffering ..

i dont know which is my mostest favourite .. spring or fall ..
it's falling right now, so i guess this is it

i love the colour
absolutely

but there's that nagging thought in the midsection of my brainthink that resurects itself - winter's coming
and i hate winter ..
every bone in my body cries out to be warmed
every muscle tenses at the cold
.. it's a tense time for me
and i spend much of it anticipating the resurrection of warmth
via that sun
the sun is the redeeming icon of winter for me

one day i'm going to tattoo that sun (as part of a more iconic symbol) onto my back

`|`

meanwhile the colours are showing - o my ..
i never ever tire of the awe of it all, and i'm sure if i retrace my blogsteps i'd find similar posts falling around this time in years gone by ..

i must get deep into the mountains soon
camera astrap
dog in tow

i relish that

`|`

the cycle of life
..

we humans arrive, grow, live, degenerate and die
pretty awful when it's put like that ..
simply awful

but we know the 70 or 90 (or 50) years we have are a whole lot more complicated than that simplistic statement
a whole lot more
there's great food and sparse cupboards
wonderful moms and mothers that abuse
schooldays missed and bullying
teenage flirts and rejection
upscale careers and production lines
3 bed homes and doublewides
retirement and 'homes' where you go to die
.. even that's a precis ..

that look that made your day and the comment that unmade it
the kind gesture of an opened door, the harsh bark of an angry boss ..

a thank-you card, a note slipped in your lunchbox, sharing a samich with your bestie, kicking around a (real) football on the beach, a beer and some laughable chat, coffee and a good read, the squeeze of a tiny fist around your finger ..
the 'friend' that inserted the knife blade, that illness that ruined your vacation, a backhanded slap, the soul-tearing disappointment of love-to-be lost, family feuds and broken thanksgivings, no reply to your application, $32.18 in the bank, eviction notice, what-the-hell-happened-to-my-church ? ..

now multiply that by 100 a month for 60 years ..
then add a ton of other disappointments and pleasured moments
and maybe you get a life

`|`

the cycle of life ..

..

richard rohr spoke to that some, recently
but his focus was on the 'downside' of life in that particular speak ..
his comments centered around the embracing of suffering as the definitive characteristic of truly human
as per Jesus, the real human, the ultimate ..

he took our brokenness within himself, acknowledged it, knew it, understood it, experienced it, in love, for us
he embraced our demise and made Life from the mix

that's a whole lot different than it is for us in our natural state of being
we rebel, in disgust, begrudge, respond aggressively, hate, search-out vengeance, sometimes many years after the fact, blare at God, dismember our fellow church 'member' ..
we carry the hurts as scars to be recounted, bruises on our shirtsleeves, all black-and-blued and obviously resentful of life and what i've suffered ..
quite unlike Jesus

..

there's a theme related to suffering in this life
it runs thick red with depth, breadth of soul, compassion, relatedness to this world in which we live and to the others that share it with us, mercy, caring, forgiveness, sorrow for others' hurts, compassion, forgiveness, a right view of money and possessions and the relatedness of giving and sharing, compassion, respect for each life - not only for those that fall into our clique and church and our view of socially acceptable, relief of the aching heart of a friend, a heart that runs toward the abused and downtrodden, compassion ..

suffering can breed beautiful crowfeet on the soul, lines that betray a soul well traveled, wisdom from beyond ..
if we let it

it's almost like .. it's a privilege to suffer .. .    .    .
   although it took a lot to write that statement
   a whole lot

do i really believe that ? ..
you ..  . ?

`|`

do i really believe that Jesus became my sin
took it
in himself
shared in the ruin of me
the brokenness of my life
?

that right there is the secret to knowing life
Life, with a cap
true life

for when i take that perspective on as mine, mine
i see God as Godself truly is
in all God's glorious beauty
relief and release for the hurting and abused and downtrodden
rescue from the detriment
the dislocation
the separation from GodCreator

reconnection
reinstallation in the family of God
unification
oneity

..

that was accomplished through suffering the humiliation of being human
the final humiliation of human death
for the God that was
that became human
for us

how can we let that go
let it pass
like another autumn
like the fleeting coloured grandeur of summerfade, winterdawn ..
just another season ..
?

i cannot

simply put, it's far too dangerous to Life
to my life, lived

it is the most astounding revelation to humanity ever
and it calls-out for a response that engages the all of me
every ounce
every molecule
every neuron
every intangible piece and part of me

i cannot but respond wholeheartedly, wholemindedly, wholesoulily, wholebodily
for that, my friend, is true life lived
life lived in fullness
in honour of that Man who loves me
and you
like we were his very own brothers and sisters
family
cofamily with him in the family of God who love us so, in just this way, that the very life of GodFirstborn could be willingly given for us

if that doesn't speak to us .. .
i'm not sure what ever will

respect to the One that suffered for me

may i learn that attitude
and attitude that

the Fall of nature carries with it a beauty that can sustain us through winterdeath ..
bring us out on the other side more mature for our weathering

peace