sometimes .. leave

sometimes
it's time to go
leave
get gone

space has run out
time to run

what was open now closed
where you were disappeared .. poofmagic

it might be you
it might not

.. .

you were pushed
over the edge
headfirst at breakneck speed
down
jagged rocks below

either fly
or decorate the rocks with a thousand bloodied pieces

you're not God
   but sometimes God wings you
..

somehow the Adversary got slimy fingers on the deal
and a fingerhold a space makes
space for a knife
to cut
separate
sunder

bleeding-out you limp-run
away
you know if that knife catches up you're a usedtobe, a oncewas


so you run
for life
to fight another day
maybe ..
but run

..

sometimes
even God doesn't win out ..
least not there
not then
not with you

run

..

those fleeings deep scars wrought
sometimes
   when you turn your head just this way
      a piercing pain brings you up sharp
you remember that run
   those fleeings
hang your head in shame
like it was you
like the running marked you
made you a coward
a runner
from life

maybe ..
maybe

.. .

you're here though
here
now
alive
scarred, true
but alive
moving
heading in a new direction
not bleeding-out
scarred
but heading there
over there
not sure where exactly
just heading that way
some modicum of hope fueling the daily upandmove

not for that hope
you might justaswell be blood spots on the rocks

..

and too ..
   remember this
remember the good of it
the place that brought laughter to your heart
   even in the midst of pain
the people that changed you
   while God was 'using you'
the 20/20 of God in the faces of the hurting that sat by you, ate with you, talked
   the truth of God erupting here and there
      out of the mouths of babes
into your ears
   baby ears

there was great joy then ..
that bears remembering
even if
you had to leave
running
eventually never to go back
doors and windows slammed shut
to you

..

accept the loss
relish the gain
forgive the run
head onward
foot by foot
in hope
   that God places you in another place
      doors and windows flung wide
   welcoming arms agape

that's all there is really ..

what else is there
but the pain of living life in this life
   in the hope of Life
      even when you have to leave
and maybe
   maybe
      being able to remember
         the gain with the pain
         the joy with the sorrow
forgive yourself
   and try your damnedest to forgive the others
be adversarial with the Adversary that cut you
   deep
be hopeful in Big Brother
   who was cut deep
      for me
      for them

what else is there really ..