but we know different
or should
what we see and perceive, 2 differing experiences, really isn't all there is to it ..
damned good thing too
'cause i, for one, could never figure the point of it all ..
what is the point ??
not for some strange ' feeling ' in the pit of my mind that there has got to be more to it than this life as it appears onthefaceofit, i, one of those southpawish introverts, might well have left already ..
apart from the introversion stuff, there's the uselessness ..
unless of course you're willing to reduce it to a monarch-ish butterfly's creaturely instinctive life that passes-on its creatureliness to the next generation while travelling to exciting new lands with grand vistas .. they die on the journey, never witnessing the arrival, leaving the rendezvous at travel's-end for another generation to relish ..
the instinctive drive to perpetuate life
i'm sure there's pleasure for the butterfly in that journeying, but i think that ..
i think
i go beyond the pleasure of the moment
to wonder
beyond
..
there's this turn of theology that looks dangerously reducive, wrapping all of God's creation into one beautiful ball-shaped manifestation in all it's admitted glory ..
aside .. .
this happens to be my favourite time, colouring my year with my personal colour scheme of redsyellowsorangesgoldsbrownsgreens and the colours between, stretching my awe, Fall after Autumn, jaw agape, camera clicking as i try to take it all in again, and capture something of the emotional content to boot ..
that pallette presents itself in all its glory, falling leaf by leaf towards the hard ground of our humanity, as a human experience of beauty and wonder ..
but i am able to appreciate that beauty in an otherly manner, an observer, wondering and processing it all in a fashion that offers me a distinctive view, while being absolutely here
the difference is something in my makeup, something that distinguishes me from the leaf, the tree, and allows me to ponder, to awe ..
i am somehow different
it is that difference that calls humanity to a far greater accountability than any other creaturely form, a responsibility to not only appreciate the other, but to do our damnedest to preserve and perpetuate it as a manifestation of the 'divine' in me that speaks cool colours and beauty in its own right
there's something behind the beauty, some designing purpose
some calling to appreciate not only the beauty, but the beautiful purpose
..
the real we see is an inyourface thing
the real we do not see lies in back and beyond
so while i wonder at the colourfull fall in all its own glory
i go beyond to the beauty that saw that beauty in the designing of it for us humanity, who can somehow appreciate the beauty in its own right and yet appreciate the beauty behind the beauty
the beauty i see is merely a manifestation of a purposeful mind who not only understands beauty, but knows somehow what beauty is for me ..
there's a resonate there, a commonality in the mind of the purposeful beauty-creator and my mind
wow
really ??
really ????
..
somehow there's a connection between the i that i am and the person that created
and that defies the reductive 'theology' that wants to place the Autumn gorgeous and the beholder in the very same crucible of life that dies for the propulsion and propagation of life .. life fostering life fostering life ..
somehow i differ from that cycle
my crucible isn't that
at least not only that
there's more
there's more
..
i am not the same as the rest of the creation we know
somewhow i'm other
although i am integrally part of
that difference lies in recognizing the godness in me
that i am like an-other
somehow different
not the same
but like
a like that differentiates me from the creation-like i'm part of
that godlikeness is found right at the creation story, right at the beginning
in the opening chapters of the hebrew christian holybook
and God said this .. let's make humans ..
let's make them like we are
like us
that was the distinctive
the setapartness
the 'holy' design of the human that set them in a different light from the rest of God's good creation, that made the human accountable to CreatorGod and responsible as Godlikebeings for the rest of creation
..
so .. i'm not only part of the created order of things
and i'm not only like Creator
i'm a mix
a blend of the red and the green
a halfbreed
a privileged being, like God, living in the world i am part of
that leaves me a mysterious creature
able to appreciate the grandness of Fallcolour
able to appreciate the great Fallenness of the world of which i am
able to appreciate the majestic beauty and purity of the person who dreamed it all up, the person that made it happen and then infused it with creaturely images of Godself, while all at once comprehending something of the grandeur that first adorned it in its pristinity..
what an absolutely incredible thought ..
that leaves me in a most delicate suspense
a delicacy that callsout for wisdom
to understand
why
and what part is mine
somehow i have to be part of this, yet responsible to That
to somehow manifest the reality of who i am, who i was created as
and follow that through
it is a tall tall wall to climb
i'm not sure i have the wherwithal
but .. somehow i have to try
for failure to try is tantamount to a denial of the That i am like
and the world in which i live and move and be
observing its occasional beauty in the midst of all the dark horror of its life
war
power
ownership
and all the slavery that falls into that
enslaved mind
enslaved body
bound by what i see and 'know'
socialized to live in the pens created for us
who refuse to look beyond the breeding grounds of a manufactured
society that breeds more for the powers-that-be
fuel their wealth
perpetuate their pleasured power
..
i am so blessed to be able to perceive beyond the seeing
to know the Creator i am like
to be able to ask for wisdom to understand and to move in that direction
beyond
toward
while being here in the now with the other creatures in all their beauty
..
that journey, that climbing-the-wall, is a journey we all are called to take
that journey is the human endeavour
the trek beyond
upward
outward from me
to find the me i am created to be in the midst of life as it seems
in honour of the person that created it all
in the knowledge that i don't really know or understand it all
and that i need Creatorly insight, wisdom from above
..
that crucible is my forming fire
the place where the Creator was fired as human
as Jesus
i want that fire
for i want to be just exactly precisely Jesus ..
nothing less
nothing more
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