still is, i suppose
just that it's a lot quieter now
the cards i've played (and sometimes dealt myself) have left me solitary for the most part ..
God's been watching this game, saved me from bankruptcy many many times .. for which i am eternally in God's debt
i know that
i try to live that
i have very fond memories of cousins and the family lunch, really outstanding dining, right down to the black cake, a delicacy based in currants that had been soaking in rum for a loooong time ..
i miss it
..
but i don't miss the retail/media's manipulation, relocating God's gift to humanity into people having to gift, whether it's because " we have to: they're family ", or they're family of family, or my boss, or whether it's because " they give the children gifts every year " ..
the coercion of christmas - the one time of year when we humans should be basking in the light of that glorious Gift, graciously given to any who would receive it thankfully
i'm in another of my personal rebellions against the powers and authorities that rule this world, enticing us to spend what we mostly don't have to give things that people mostly don't need to people we mostly don't want to, but our society demands
another madness
while people in need are accommodated at christmas because it's christmas, but then left to revert to ' in need ' the day after christmas, panhandling their days to feed and clothe themselves for another day, and look for some dark corner or hiding-hedge to crawl under for another sleepless night of coldfear, cuddling a bottle of warmth in the hope that their stupored mind will let go just for a couple hours .. maybe sleep will come tonight ..
that's the dread imbalance, the morbid injustice - complaining people that have, doing despite, rude hateful animosity, to those that don't, wishing them illwill amid a littany of spittled curses and naming - " Bum! Get a freakin' job! " ..
that's not Christmas; it's an outright antiChrist campaign covered loosely in mac 'n cheese and christmas ham and sweet potato pie to soothe the accusing conscience, it's own opiate, only not in a bottle this time .. " 'Course not! I'm not a drunken bum! "
..
where, o where is justice this christmas .. the justice that consists in helping the oppressed and abused, the unfortunate, the poor, the downtrodden, the homeless, the runaway, the enslaved, the mentally shattered, the addict, the much-maligned muslim, the molested, the .. those humans, those people, my sisters and brothers who have not in this the wealthiest-ever nation in Earth history
maybe celebrating christmas this year will consist of re-reading the humble story of gracious giving by Godself to an undeserving, motley and muddied bunch of ungrateful self-absorbed people that cannot see past their own $-shaped nose
and asking that God to show me someone in need of any help i can provide, in Jesus' name ..and maybe in that i too can experience help in better knowing and understanding this God that loves the unlovable, gives overflowingly to the ingrate, washes the feet of the enemy, embraces the leper, releases the adulterer, opens the blinded eye, loosens the tiedtongued, fixes the broken heart, offers Godlife in the endless pursuit of reconciliation of us, the rebels, the antiGod
perhaps as i learn the humility of the Divine in loving me, the ungodly
i too will learn to be humble toward the humbled
that's my christmas wish
in Jesus' name
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