chrysalis ..

perhaps one day
   maybe soon
i'll eat my way out of this chrysalis
.. transformed
embeautied in the Image

..

most of my life has been eating, consuming
trying to fill me
   almost instinctively ..
the soul of me famished
adventuresome
wanting some thing i didn't have
.. dreaming

..

enamored with mountains and rivers and forests and creatures and horses and guns and indians and trekking and discovery ..
all the while pining for some thing i didn't have

building my chrysalis
hard, thick-walled hibernatory
protecting me from the outworld
sealing me in ..
my personal lifechamber
   insulating
   shielding
   fortressing ..
      hiding


there i lived
blacked-out
blocking-out the assaults, the confrontations, the aggressions, the pressures to fit-in, the requirements to succeed, the relentless drag into religion - the forced fit into a tiny hole where the 'righteous' live and move and be all by their cliquish self ..
   culted

that culting formed a tall and ominous standard, smooth as glass with no footholds, no edges to grip, no secure lines .. nothing to admit my climb
i barely moved upward, fell back many times ..
scaling the damned edifice was near impossible

the only way up in the eyes of the glaring was makebelieve, a twisted conviction of the mind, a pretention that dressed my soul to look like, talk like, think like the other climbers, looking for acceptance, fit, noble otherworldly denial, Babel in my own time
   while Divine looks on thinking " confound it! another Tower to Heaven .. "
..
i could never ever make that CooCooHeaven
so cocoon ..

..

in my chrysalis i hide
   waiting for the water to break
   the Spirit to come gushing out
   hot washing all over
      baptizing my lostness
      shattering the glass
      breaking hardness
      my secure lines cut
falling
falling
drawing-in GodBreath
..

wings gradually unfurl
as hot baptismal Breath drips, drip
sweet nectar


.. first one wing
brilliant colors unfurl - jasper and sapphire and agate and emerald and onyx and carnelian and beryl and topaz and chrysoprase and jacinth and amethyst ..
stretch
reach
out
exciting
aching from the cramp
cramped from my safetycoon ..
loose now

now .. for the other ..

then
then the let-go
the final loose
fall
flip
spread
glide
wings move
catch the Wind
go
leave
go
over there!
then there
maybe all the way out there ..
maybe

finally !
breaking out of my chrysalis
into my Christness

freedom !
reborn
   by the Wind