jumbledyaya ..

i like to write posts
but then i do the edit thing and i relent ..
like, who in their right mind would want to read this ?
really ..

ipso facto there are a bunch of not-posted posts just sitting there ..
occasionally i run through and review and hit 'delete'
somehow, what i thought i thought all the way back 2 weeks ago i don't really think now
and i don't want anyone to think that's what i thought, certainly not what i think

but, persistent pest that i are, i keep at it
and onceinawhile something emerges like some friendly monster out of the muddled addled mind i call mine, and it sticks long enough for me to hit 'post'
which is really cool, because then my selfimage resurrects and i can walk around without makeup and sunglasses again

..

sometimes the motivation is purely mine (if i diss all the people and stuff that formed the mind i now have)
but sometimes it isn't me that got me going
like someone wrote or said something that poked a rib of mine and i get all excited at the thoughts that come tumbling into my mind and sprint to the computer to vomit it all out in just the right order so somebody else can read the madness and the feel i had gets reproduced in them ..
kinda like mind sex

i suppose that doing that perfectly is the perfection of verbal communication

..

today i'm just sitting here with a cupa
and my mind is like jumbalaya, fish fowl grain and veg all muddled and served-up like it was special

there are posts sitting there about living in the sky and homosexuality and rolling stones and storms and rafts and midnight trains and deciding to die and past life and eucharist and love and pharisees and regrets and praxis and .. .   .

but i think i'll leave this musey post just like it is ..
i might try to vomit again shortly
i might not

either way, i hope you spend some time today thinking about what you are, who you want to be and why, how to move mountains and influence people, and why you read this blog - maybe you should blog ! maybe you have something to say, something that could save a life, change a mind, help with a decision, allay a fear, encourage a good soul to get involved, remind someone of what's important and what isn't
..

that would really be cool ..