between the devil and the deep blue ..

having spent the majority of my life in christianity
having been raised in fundamentalism at its fundamental core
and having divorced myself from that cultic interpretation of Christ's church
   piece by broken piece
i now live in a quandary
a betwixt-and-between where i walk a mostly alone path with a firey burn in my gut
a fire that sometimes swallows me
and i must open my mouth

some people say i'm too damned negative
need to head for peace and love and encourage encourage
..

thing is, i get that
i understand my need to be balanced
i know the freakishness of the down
the polarizing

i just can't deny what i see
..

i'm not a prophet
but prophets play an integral part in the kingdom
   always have
just peruse your older testament ..
some of it is most shocking

prophets stand on the edge of their community-circle
   not out
   just inside
and they cry out
they face inward and call to the people in there to wake-up
they call out the spades
they deliberately cut the BS and the politically correct
and call it like they (God) sees it

a dangerous position to take ..
no-one wants to be associated with them
they're usually rough people (Elijah, John the Baptizer)
they probably smell worse than most
look like they need a serious bath

i'm not a prophet
but sometimes i feel the need to do what they did
because of who i was
because of what i see going-on in the christianity of my day
because i know the twisted 'truth' being taught to the people looking for God
because i feel the abuse felt by the hurt
because i see the inconsistencies seen by the outsiders
because i read and watch and walk out of churches toting my baggage
.. because God is still God
and what's being done to God in the pulpit and on the tele and the internet and in the scholarly books is a travesty
a flat-out manipulation and misrepresentation of the God who is there
..

puts me in a serious place
like, do i say something
   or do i shut my mouth
.. my conundrum

thing is, there's this fire ..
and when i try to shut it out, stomp on it
the heat just burns hotter
because i am who i am
and to not say something when the opportunity shows itself is nothing less than a denial of me

this blog is one such opportunity

..

i'm not a prophet ..
i'm a disciple
Jesus is my master
he's my example
my teacher
leader

i follow him

if you ever read the Bible
if you've ever read the 4 gospels
you'll find him there
and you'll see that he did a prophet's work
he was balanced, did good wherever he went
but he called it like God saw it
   and he did not mince his words ..

as i've said before, Jesus called-out the religious leaders
he flat-out laid-into them
.. and he didn't do that with anyone else
his religion's leaders were the ones he refuted and corrected and pointed-out-their-lies and opened their hypocrisy for all to see and ..

..

so when i get scolded for speaking my mind
when i get told that i'm not Jesus
   so i shouldn't be doing that
when i'm asked to leave that side of the issue on the table
   throw a cloth over it
   just serve-up the 'good' stuff of christianity
.. i humbly demure
thanks for asking ..

..

the reputation of the evangelical movement in this country today splashes goop all over the face of God ..
and that is not hyperbole

the vast misrepresentation of God to the people in search of God
and to the people God wishes were searching
is very much worthy of criticism
and i, for one, can't simply see and cover my eyes like the proverbial monkey
   pretending it isn't there

people will get you're real when you're willing to call it like they see it
to acknowledge the wicked with the good
to confess the dramatic failures and abuses down through the centuries ..
then they might listen to what else you have to say
they might hear you when you point to Jesus ..
because when you decide to cherry-pick, most people will leave the table
and you can just go ahead and preach to the same dyed-in-the-wool stuck-to-the-pew people you been telling that stuff all this time

fact is, christianity has lost its witness for the Christ ..
   astounding statement, no ?
and is driving harder into the losing business
the Gospel isn't preached
sins are defined and highlighted
   certain sins
   while others are neglected
people are painted with broad brush-strokes
   defined by this sin or that
while the holy ones sin in private, blinds pulled, lights off, 'cept maybe the light of the computer screen ..

we're found supporting massive government killing in pursuit of wealth and power
massive cooption of resources on every continent possible
massive disruption of the natural order of this planet while denying our destructive force
   under the proud starry stripes
watching (now that there are body cams and cell phones recording) as kill after kill is executed
   while denying the reality that segregation still exists in the minds of many americans
      segregation in the way we see people, segregation in the way we treat people
         black people, indigenous people, muslim people ..
homeless hungry children by the hundreds of thousands
   while $38.5 Billion goes to the holy nation of israel ..
..

there's a people that Jesus came here for
he came here for all people
of every stripe and shade
and the blood he bled at the end was the very same colour as the blood of all people
because we all are created in the image and likeness of God ..

when christianity begins its turn back toward the gospel of Jesus
when it repents
   and asks forgiveness of all the people
when it speaks again for Jesus
   and returns God to God's rightful place
then this blog will make its own turn towards a more 'positive' slant
..

until then ..
i got this firey burn in the pit of my soul
and it will not leave me alone
and i cannot deny it
and i cannot shut my mouth ..

i love Jesus
he said crazy things like
' unless you love me more than your parent or your sibling or your child you're not worthy to be my disciple '
' unless your righteousness exceeds that of the pharisees (the religious leaders) you will not enter the kingdom of heaven '
' unless you put aside the you that you've constructed, the person you claim to be, and die to that person, and pick up that cross, you cannot follow me '
' unless you're willing to lose the life you've built  .. '
..

follow him i must
i'm not doing a very good job of it, but there i be
trying

there is no other more significant call on my life
   whatever's left of it

it's his

..

if you read this and you think " i'm not sure i want to be in that kind of religion .. "
please know that there are people out here who don't like what they see either
and we understand your take on it
and that we're trying our best to let you know that Jesus scarcely looks like what you see across the christian landscape today ..
we're doing what we can with what we have to spread the love of Jesus
and to adjust the misrepresentation
to bring God back into focus

please forgive us for making such a mess of it
and know that you are loved
.. i love you
and God loves you more than you could ever be loved by anyone else
and God proved that in the life and death and resurrection of Jesus, the Christ of God

give us a chance ..

peace
and love

the palestinian/israeli lie and the evangelical church ..

i guess all i can say is i'm sorry
and i repent

seems there's a lot of repenting going on in my life

i repent of my stubborn fundamentalist evangelical Rightness
i repent for following the crowd
for listening to the damned christian leaders and preachers and theological experts
i repent for being a part of the lie, the injustice, the abuse, the killing, the abuse, the damned lie
i repent for joining the american evangelical distortion of scripture in support of the state of israel and their inhumane oppression and persecution of palestinian arabs

i repent

i repent for being one of them - i stood before a church with maps and 'data' and a bible in my hand, for God's sake, and told those people that it was God's plan, and this land was theirs from thousands of years ago
i told them, in effect, to support the 'israel' that's there because it was God's nation

i repent

i've been hit for this once already, and will probably be again
but it's time to dump another relic of my fundamentlistic evangelicalism and face the truth that the state of israel is not at all God's nation, is a massive nuclear world power in the well-paid employ of the united states, and is occupying land that belonged to hundreds of thousands of palestinian arabs who now live in poverty ..
and to face the truth that, with the help of the united states government, with the help of american evangelicalism, and with the help of the propagandising media houses, the occupying state of israel is and has been oppressing these people for a long time

i know there are at least 2 sides to every story
i'm looking intently at the other side now, and all i have seen is the global power plays of the superpower financing the abusive displacement of a people

isn't it funny that the very same people who were abused, most recently in hitler's day, have now become the abusers ..
not funny

God does not countenance abuse
God does not kill
God does not throw people off their land, bulldoze their homes, force them into enclaves that leave them impoverished and under the gun ..

the same Jews that suffered under roman occupation in Jesus' day are now dread occupiers

and british and american governmental power-plays are the ultimate reason, the british started it, the americans perpetuate it

do some research on zionism and the world war and discover how it is israel as a modern-day state came into being
lies and deception and treachery and colonialistic imperialism at its worst

i repent

here's one illuminating video i recently watched

when the Son of Man comes will he find faith in the Earth? ..

don't blog don't blog don't blog
do not blog this
'least not today
you're outofsorts
not a good time
don't ..

.. my other me telling me this on the way here

you've already been told you're too damned negative
and most of what you write is negative (though that ain't true)
and who says you have the right to criticize and critique and callout anyway
..

well .. seems i just can't he'p muhsef today
just can't
sorry
so if you're looking for encouragement and compliments and 10waysonhowtoimpresspeople then let me save you the trouble .. isn't here
..

so .. here's my issue on this fine Lord's Day ..
i was betwixtandbetween 'going to church' today
   as i have been for some years now
.. but being the self-flaggelating person i be, i sometimes relent and go .. somewhere ..
maybe it's me ..
   actually it is me
maybe i'm being an ass and i need to stop being an ass and face the fact that i could well be wrong in my think on the current state of the church in the ol' western hemisphere and leave my teeth in the cup ('cause yuh can't grit yer teeth if they ain't there) and join in communion with this or that group of believers and praise the Lord and be refreshed and encouraged and do my part in the Body ..

well.. so much for that

..

i did hang my head in disbelief from the time i walked in and saw a 'TRUMP' cap on the snack table, and then, lo and behold!, ye good ol' wordofthelord today was about politrics and that you should do yer darn duty and vote
and by the way, if you don't vote you're still voting, cause if you don't vote you're leaving room for the other candidate to get in
and God said "if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land."
and God is in control anyway .. so ..
and as christians we're supposed to support the 'right' issues, like righttolife/antiabortion, and there's this empty chair in the supreme court ..
and btw, trump don't really hate blacks, and we need to set the record straight first chance we get ..
..

and all the while i sat there in absolute astounded unbelief, choking myself on my tongue, and thinking this cannot be real .. we're past this ..
this is like the way we used to believe
these are the things that we were taught back before doctors knew they had to wash their hands between dealing with patients so they weren't the unintentional passers-on of germs ..
.. but noooooooo .. we're still in the germ business
the doctors are still attempting to heal with germy hands, and infecting unsuspecting patients to boot

so i sat there and chewed the fat with muhsef fer pert'near an hour
kicking myself in the proverbial arse over and over and over for kicking myself in the ass when i should have listened to the other me when i was telling myself "go to the coffee shop today .. go. just go .. "
..

well here i be
and i'm pretty much pissed

i hope the good folk that lead this church whom i like a lot don't read this
i really do
they're good people
..

i'm just lost
that's why i continue to berate myself
am i the only one who sees this as a travesty of Jesus' teachings and attitudes and intentions?
is there anybody else out theeeeeeeerrrre .... ?
i must be lost .. no other explanation
i'm frekin' lost
..

well, the first thing that comes to mind is Jesus absolute refusal to take political positions ..
i know i know .. israel was a nation under roman rule, etc etc, so like how could he ? .. he had no say
actually Jesus said to give Caesar what was due him and give God was due
and he even had Peter scrounge around in a fish's mouth for the tax they owed
   although the taxes are really to be taken from foreigners, not from citizens (i forget where it says that in the good o' book ..)
Paul - pay taxes to whom they're due, honour to whom honour is due ..
etc

and then, Paul, pray for those in authority
   ahmm .. regardless of who they are, or their party, or if they believe in abortion or gay rights or ..
and, pardon me, the point isn't to put your candidate in office; the point is that regardless of who is there, we need to be praying for them that we would be able to live peaceable lives ..

but i think the thing that hits me most is our repeated resort to the older testament to find support for our positions ..
that one really gets me, particularly when it concerns things like politics

a mentor of mine (unbeknownst to him) wrote a very cool book
and him being a theologian and me not, you should probably check out what he has to say on the matter
his name is gregory boyd and the book is the myth of a christian nation (click on the link)
..

anyway, be it hereby known that God was speaking to the nation of israel in the older covenant
to israel
that's the nation God built and ruled
   or ruled until he was kicked out and saul was kinged
there is no theocracy on this planet
   never will be till Jesus shows himself again ..
there is no biblical nation of israel today
that nation was sidelined by God, at least for a period, which period continues to this day, and will continue to continue until such time as the kingdom is present in its fullness
and please do not point to the nation that goes by that name today .. please don't ..
they're anything but God's nation, and the things they do are quite unlike anything Jesus taught or evidenced by his exemplary life
and yes, someone in church today did raise support for israel as one of the major issue on their voting card .. . .   ...

God operated in a distinctly different manner in those days
first of all, there was Law
and there was threat of punishment and reward
and we do not currently live under Law or threat of God
in fact, Jesus pointedly superceded Law, and nailed it to that tree
and Paul kept asking .. "you going back to Law?? Why?!" You're freed from Law."

i suppose i could be wrong here, but not one time did anyone turn to Jesus in the discussion ..
just sayin' ..

..

earlier in the frantic race for president i supported a candidate
that was the first time in my history
and the only reason i did was that person's inclination towards what-seemed-to-me-to-be a more just society where the ultrapowerful monied Controllers don't buy government (including the presidency), where people have the right to health care regardless of whether or not they can afford it (because, like, should my right to life really depend on whether i can pay for it?), where war is a determinedly last resort, where concern for the exponential rate of debilitation of our planet should be a primary concern, where everyone has the right to a public education through college level regardless of affordability, where vets don't get shoved aside, where the homeless and mentally-needy get the care they need ..
like that ..
i thought it astounding that anyone in this day would be bold enough, real enough, and would care enough to take those positions
and since those positions reminded me a lot of Jesus, i FB'ed my support for them ..
but i'm out now, because they're out

..

so while i had to sit through that today
   because i'd rather not cause dissention, and i just couldn't bring
   myself to get up and walk out because i love these people
   and think they have a good heart
i've decided not to return

..

i kept looking for that passage where Jesus told the authority in the Earth what was what ..
Pilate, the representative for Caesar in Jerusalem, as in the Roman authority on the spot, had asked Jesus some stuff, and Jesus wasn't really taking him on, so Pilate pulled the ace of spades ..
like " listen here. do you know who it is you're talking to?? don't you know i have the power to crucify you?"
" are you a king or are you not " ..
Jesus' response is remark-able .. " my kingdom is not of this world "
..
we have to get that
we need to fast on that
we need to mantra that, meditate ..
the kingdom of God is not of/from/does-not-belong-to/doesn't-look-like this world

ipso facto
the kingdom Jesus preached, and that's what he preached about a lot (see Acts 1), is a different kingdom, one that looks and smells and sounds different from what we see and sniff and listen-to on a daily basis ..
it's a contrary kingdom
it's quite upside-down to what we know .. and think
   and are taught, apparently
in fact, it's virtually unthinkable
   because some of Jesus' teachings are way way off the chart
   like, justforanexample, love your enemy ..
      as in enemy
         tick that box on your ballot

it's a kingdom that exudes love at all costs
it's a kingdom in the shape of a cross ..

a kingdom that looks like a man hanging naked from a tree by his wrists ..
someone that looks a whole lot like God hanging naked from a tree

and whenever we want to know what to do in a situation
we need to start there
right there

don't go to the old testament
don't go to the church official or the 'altar'
don't look it up on some christian internet site
run run run to Jesus
as the perfect Expression of God in a human form, Jesus has to be the authority for me and my decisions

read the sermon on the mount
read about the life of Jesus, the way he lived, the code he lived-by, the attitude and approach he took
read it over and over and over
and read as many books and articles as you can about Jesus specifically ..

and that's my takeonit
that's my intention for life
that's why and why not
..

there is no candidate that could ever reflect God
and there's no nation that could either
be it israel or these 'ere united states ..
forget the founding fathers and the Mayflower and the sad sad histoies told in the language of the authorities with lots and lots of stuff left out and turned on it's side
many many many people died mercilessly
many were slaughtered
and many times God's name was invoked
forget it ..
it's all a damned lie
.. and that crap still continues to this very day in one form or another in one place or another in the name of democracy and sometimes after saying mass ..

all we have to go by is Jesus

ahmmm .. let me repeat that
all we have to trust-in is Jesus
so that Jentezen Franklin and Franklin Graham and Billy Graham and John Haggee and TD Jakes and whothehellever don't mean a hill o' beens whenever their teaching does not line-up with Jesus ..

all you got is Jesus
find Jesus' mind and attitude on the matter
at all costs
and bear in mind it could be a very costly cost
'cause people, church people, will cut you off and feed you to the heretics faster than you can say "Jesus"
..

" It used to be God would occasionally communicate in one way or another with our Jewish Fathers through prophets. But now God speaks to us through a Son, the very person that set the universe in place, and sustains it by the sheer power of his word.
God has appointed him to be heir of everything.
This Son is the effulgence of God, the outshining of God's glory. He is the perfect expression of God's being. " (Hebrews 1)

.. the perfect Expression of who God is
if you have 'perfect' you have perfect
there's no bettering or improving or advancing perfect
..

one other thing ..
followers of Jesus follow Jesus ..
they don't follow church
they don't bow to denomination
they don't worship the bible .. oops .. .

they follow a person
not a book
not a religion
not a preacher
.. a person

" The works that the Father has given me to complete, the very works that I am doing, testify on my behalf that the Father has sent me. And the Father who sent me has himself testified on my behalf. You have never heard his voice or seen his form, and you do not have his word abiding in you because you do not believe him whom he has sent.
You search the scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life, and it is these same scriptures that testify on my behalf, yet you refuse to come to me to have life.
I do not accept glory from human beings. But I know that you do not have the love of God in you. (John 5.36ff)
   interesting to check out who it was Jesus was speaking to ..
..


there are 2 prominent trees in scripture
one appears at the beginning
the other appears at the other beginning

"in the beginning God"
"in the beginning was the Word"

the one bore fruit of knowledge, knowing good from evil, and led to death
the other bore fruit of death, and led to life

the first man chose the tree of 'knowing'
and we bear the awful taste of that decision in this world
the second man, the last Adam (1Corinthians 15:45-47), took the tree of sacrifice and death, and the whole world bears the beautiful promise of life

if you want to see God as God is in the face of all the evil this world and the powers of darkness have, then look to the cross
look to the cross
not the Law
not 'the Church'
not 'Christianity'


there you will find the heart of God bleeding-out
in love
in love for the only begotten son
in love for us the adopted
in love for the world
the whole world

..

so when you want to talk politics, remember to look to the cross
when we talk religion, look there
and theology
and righteousness
and goodness
and the way of Jesus
.. who said, " you want to follow me? deny who you are, take up your cross .. then come, follow me "

there is no other way to see this world and all this world involves than through the lens of Jesus

really

follow him, the Man

that's my life-telos anyway
my intention
and i'll die doing it
so help me God

the first in line ..

I guess I don't know much about life..

I figure there's been tough times
but tough is relative ..
what's tough for me is another man's luxury
and that's in today's world; that's not even comparing me now to people 100 or 500 or 1000 years ago

I can only speak to me in my life experience..
and I certainly need to always remember that
when I talk my talk
when I toss my opinion out there
when I define
classify
judge

frankly, I figure I'm one of the most privileged people to ever walk this Earth
and I should not forget that
nor should I forget that my sheltered privileged experience translates into a broad naivete which blurs my vision, clouds my understanding of the next person, the one down the street or across the state line or on the other side of the Atlantic..

I can have my opinions, my beliefs, my facts, but those things really only count as far as my footstep falls and my shadow casts
for me to circumscribe another by my teeny worldview is surely arrogance
but more, it is an assault on their intrinsic human value

so when I open my mouth
when I look away
when I draw back
when I point
or my mind scolds
and my person is offended or insulted
my only recourse ever should be
I am the worst sinner
ever
I
am
the chief sinner
every other person is worth more than my worthlessness

because Jesus cut my umbilical to that tree that looks to judge good from evil
and for me to do otherwise is to do Nicodemus' dance and crawl back to Mother tree

regardless of who it is
what they've done
where they're from
how they look or smell
I stand at the front of the sinner line

the mission of the Lord Christ in saving sinners was for me first

I guess I don't know much about life after all
..

the void of the cross ..

" were you there when they crucified my Lord ? " goes the old american slave hymn

but noone was there really ..

some were there
but they weren't really ..

certainly not those that cried-out " crucify him ! "
or those that religiously followed orders and nailed him to the tree
or those that mocked him in his defeat
not Herod
not Caiaphas
not Pilate

some were there because they loved him
but they weren't really there either, and his graciousness to them in their even-then veiled understanding of who he was and what was going on, even after knowing him, is all the more wonderful

..

noone was there really ..

where he was was utter darkness
bare naked destitute
deprived of any sense of integrity decency or morality
hanging in painful display for all the world to gawk
in his shame
rejected
abandoned

adrift in the nothingness of cosmic darkness ..

even the angels must have lowered their wings as they walked away
especially after God had shuttered the windows to the throne room
   shutting out the light
   curtaining the tears that flowed there ..

..

dark impenetrable void
vacuumed of all sound
senses numbed by the sheer emptiness of anything external
   only the breaking ache of his own body
   the taste of his own blood
   the punch of his own heart
   the rank smell of himself
   the darkness of his own soul

left alone
utterly abandoned by all the universe ..
even the stars he had named left ..
the sun pulled the blinds












that empty space where he hung was his alone
rejected by all

no other creature was there or would have been there
   or could have been there
'twas the stark deep dark
the void of death in full power
dismissing any and all form of life

..

his own mother, though possibly she, more than any other human, sensed something of the terror of his experience, could not be there in that space with him, could not fathom the depths of the void in his soul as he found himself entirely alone, cut off , left to die

..


" my God! .. why have YOU forsaken me .. . "


Trinity had been broken
in two
as one tasted the thorough depravity of deathvoid
   devoid even of his God
      with whom he had enjoyed eternal fellowship

even God ..