i see you ..

for some time there's been this direction in me that pines for God to touch me
   i mean physically touch me
say something
   i mean audibly unmistakably call my name

perhaps you've been there .. or not

and to be fully disclosed, God has touched me
   God used someone else's hand, but it was God nonetheless
and God has spoken to me many times
   using the mouths and language of others ..
and i'm not downcrying those experiences at all
.. not at all

perhaps the most glaring illustration of my desire would be this
some dark night while i lie in bed, i feel someone sit on the bed .. and Jesus comes to be there with me, and we talk ..
i long for it ..
..

someone put it somewhat differently
that perhaps what we want isn't so much to see God
   as to be seen by God

i question myself regularly on this desire of mine, in full view of the blatant faithlessness it embodies, to see God feel God hear God
as if my entanglement with this God of mine is somehow diminished without it
and, more often than not, proceed to upbraid myself for my 'little faith' (Jesus)

maybe the wiseman had a point ..
perhaps it's not so much a faithless cry as it is a longing to know that i am seen
by God
and by my family
my friend
my workmates, the neighbour, the dog ..
..

and i thought of Avatar, the movie, and the striking greeting that latched onto my soul when i heard it - " i see you "
what a wonderful way to embrace someone in words

selah

and then too i heard Russell Brand speaking his own brand of wisdom in the face of addiction (in whatever form) saying (basically) that the root of addictive behaviour stems from loneliness and a need to be in active, functioning relations where we can be utterly honest ..

and then there's people disguised as addicts in AA and Celebrate Recovery and other such 12-step recovery programs reaching out for those relationships

..

i wonder
if perhaps my longing for God's touch never was a test of my faith in God
but more a longing to know
   that i am seen
that God sees me
God knows me
God wants me
.. God knows my name

..

perhaps my issue was .. i know God sees me
but i always imagined that seeing as a policing
like Big Brother's ubiquitous utterly unwanted presence
   and i didn't want to be seen by that god

there's a long distance between the god in the control room
and the one that comes to sit on my bed to talk
or that gently lays a hand on my shoulder while i ask for a touch
.. i want to be seen by that God

..

i hope this think helps me to realize that people need to be seen
   by me

i need to see people
not just walk by
brush past
nod
mutter a " how ya doing? "

God .. open my eyes and my ears
to see you and to hear your voice in the people i meet
and to recognize them as living images of You
   to see them

..

" i see you "

life light and dead leaves ..

we walk nonchalantly on the colors
like so much dead leaves
when only a few days gone we looked up in awe of the glory of the falling shades
of reds yellows oranges
..
how quickly our view changes
..
one day we're hopeful
full of anticipation for the coming good
our eyes full of reflected
reds yellows oranges
the next we're walking all over our hope
like so much dead leaves
eyes down
disparaging life itself ..
..               
O Word of God
in whom is life
life that lights us all
may we remember our light
that shines in our dark places ..
that darkness cannot put it out ..
may we recognize the light in us
see the light in the tunnel
head towards the light ..

light attracts light

edify, as in uplift ..

sometimes
   sometimes unthinkingly
   sometimes out of sheer habit
we make a comment that is
   making fun of
   making light of
   mocking
   deriding
someone ..
   as in      a person ..
..

it's quite easy to do ..
especially with people we perceive to be
   not-as-smart
   not-as-active
   not-as-educated
   not-as-good looking
   not-as-accomplished
   not-as-cool
      as we are

best we resist this impulse
   methinks

it's a diminutive gesture that looks to elevate ourselves in the eyes of the person with whom we're sharing the degrading comment

so, basically, we're stepping on someone else to give ourself a legup
and that really sucks         if you think about it

ours is never to undermine anyone, regardless of their apparent status or the laughability of this or that trait of theirs
   cheap trick
..

Jesus taught us to look to elevate people, improve their sense of self-worth, encourage, help, come alongside ..
   generally look to be neighbourly
      good Samaritan ish

he even said we should love our enemy ..
..

         selah

and then there's Paul and some comments he made in 1Corinthians 13
   that we might want to place alongside those Jesus-saids ..
there he said things like
   Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. .. 
   It does not relish wrong but celebrates right
..

..
it's telling when people who are viewed as 'leaders', particularly in the Christian tradition, belittle others ..
methinks that's quite an un-leaderly thing
   and   quite   unChristian
      seriously

friends, these things ought not be so
let us shoot for a higher standard
Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Philipppians 4:8

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.       Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.       (Philippians 2:3)
think on that verse a bit ..
.. and if there's still any ? left, walk through the verses that follow which, to me, are some of the most remarkable things the scriptures have to say
"     Develop the mind of Christ in you.      Even though he was in the position of God, he didn't consider that to be something that he couldn't relinquish.       
      He emptied himself and took the position of a servant, human form. Then, as a human, he further humbled himself in obedience, even to the point of dying on a cross.
      Because of that God honoured him, exalting him to the highest place, giving him the highest name, so that at the name      'Jesus'      every knee in heaven, on earth, and under the earth will bend, and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord, and God will get the glory.      (Philip 2.5-11)

see?
Jesus went the servant route      humble      servant      emptied himself

         Jesus

finally, friends
Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people.       And don’t think you know it all! Romans 12:16


peace
and love

My Precioussss ..

two unlikely mates
   a squirrel and a robin
ply the very green lawn
   looking for ..

smaller birds frolic in the evening's cooling 
   chattering in delight ..

an aged oak stands solid
   reaching up and out from on high ..

i'll walk in a bit
   in this unusual Fall July weather
thankful for the reprise
dogfriend in tow
   or perhaps leading me on ..

but I'll sit here a moment or 3
relishing my life 
   the same life i've so often regretted ..
..

I am a fortunate one ..
I see the hand of Father
lending me time
   to change
   transform
   mature
      deconstruct
      relearn
      remake
         re-be

what patience my Godfather shares
   with this petulant, melancholy, hard-headed, proud, self-absorbed son
      who only wants to run and hide, watch from some elevated cover
         like Zacchaeus
         hoping not to be seen
         but wanting so much to be touched
            by the Maker's hand

those beams and uprights, those boards tongued and grooved
took time
   effort
   thought
   conviction
   and much labor
to frame my Fortress ..

tear it down ?!!
a dreadful thought !
   'twas like stripping my own skin from my own frame ..

this was my safeplace
   from whence i surveyed all the wrong world
      and knew I was in the right
and the higher I built my walled Fortress
   the safer I felt
      inside
      all alone
         peering through my telescope for glimpse of 'God' 

but 'tis as the preacher preached ..
   God held my life on hold
   until such time as I came to claim it
      the life I should have had all along
      but instead took in its place the things of God
         about God
         from God
      thinking I was for God
      but missing God
         missing God!!
wondering all the while "why"
why !?!
..

I felt so lifeless
   lost
   empty
..

so some several years ago
   more than half my life spent building my edifice
i took a different toolset
   one with axe and sledge and saw
and, jaws set hard, set about tearing it down
   precious piece by precious piece
      .. My Precioussss
      de-Gollum-ing
angry, so so angry at Me for the squander of my life's best energy ..

with every blow, each cut
i sliced into myself
   took the lash
   blow after blow
      chastising the Me I was
breaking It down
watching my Fortress fall
   piece by precious piece
with me in regret..

it nearly ruined me
   i surely died a thousand deaths ..
but somehow in my dying
   i struggled
      fought
         teeth set hard
   lashing out at the facade i'd built
      and in so doing, unleashed a will
      to be remade
         reconstructed
         reborn ..

i was so dead from my dead, dread crying-out for God ..
   " where are you ?! "
   " where are you ?!! "
         became my cry ..
..

i still cry out to Godfather
   these dozen years in ..
i still struggle
i still israel
..
and i still want to hear
   Your voice
i still want to feel
   Your touch
i still want to smell
   Your aroma
i still want so much to see
   Your face
      Your smile
         to fall into Your gracious embrace
            and melt into You ..
..
but this time
You are my fortress
   and I'm good with that
..
i love you Jesus

Me

deny

i am
   not peter
   not james or john
   not judas

i am the nameless me
   who let Him wash my feet
   who      when they came for Him
      ran away with those feet
         afraid
         naked
            leaving my humanity behind
               my Humanity ..

we killed the only true human .. but it's all good

i cut my spiritual teeth on the penal substitution approach to atonement theology ..
didn't know any other
didn't think anything else was possible, " 'cause that's what the bible said " ..

i don't know anymore
and while i think it's important
i think the greatest import is found in the understanding that Jesus died for our sins

what i do believe is that God understood beforehand what would happen when the Word of God incarnated - ..

that the world of humanity could not stand the experience of seeing true Human as it was originally designed and, faced with the convicting force of that recognition, its degraded condition brought into the glaring Light of Truth, it poured out its wrath on Truth-in-Person, mocking him, abusing him, violating him, killing him

- and God walked that road anyway, taking in his body the violent rebellion of the Creator's own image-bearers, hung-out for all the world to gaze-at, and mock, and eventually pass-by ..



and God would use that human sacrifice by our humanity to uproot and to undo the authority Satan held over this world system, using this unjust violent oppression against the only ever perfect human
to ransom humanity,
to free us who all our lives lived out of bondage to the fear of death,
to declare the impending judgement of the Grand Accuser,
to set the Cornerstone for the Kingdom of God in the Earth
   a new kingdom that lived out of Light, not darkness and deception
   that grounded in Love, not selfishness and hatred and violence
   that would cover the Earth in peace under the rulership of the Prince of Peace
      under the fulfilled gaze of the Son of God, the Final Adam, Jesus

that God might be All, in all ..

i believe that ..

peace to you

when our christianity outdoes our Christ ..

at Mark 14 Jesus is in the home of a leper, of all people ..
(“Unclean! Unclean!” was the required cry of a leper in public, warning passersby to maintain a distance .. stay away from me; I'm dirty .. it's likely that this mentality infected Jewish society via their religion, and the religious reasoning was that God blessed the religious with health and wealth, cursing the 'wicked' and the 'sinner' with poverty and disease ..)

while there, a woman pours a costly oil over Jesus' head, honouring him ..
his disciples are 'indignant'! they say the expensive oil could have been sold, the proceeds used for the benefit of the poor
(this event is the context of his statement “you will always have the poor with you”, and not as an excuse for christians not helping the poor, which is an immediate denial of your christianity ..)

Jesus tells them to stop bothering her .. he takes the opportunity to right their attitude on him and the priority of him in their life
“you will have the poor with you always, but you will not always have me here.. she did what she could – she has anointed my body in anticipation of my burial, and it is beautiful; her story will be told wherever the gospel is preached ..”

(this is the point at which Judas finally decides that Jesus is a fraud, and offers to betray him to the chief priests – he finally accepts that Jesus is not going to be their saviour from Roman oppression ..)

the point Jesus is (again) making is that we are to love him more than we love even our parents or children, that we are to lose our life to find it in him, that we are to attitude following him above even life itself – denying our self, taking our cross with us as we do life ..
(cross, a peculiarly definitive statement to Jews under Rome's boot)

yes, love your neighbour as your own self, one of the two great commands (=help the poor), but do that in the context of loving God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, all your strength – then you will be able to love your neighbour in truth

this woman had the appropriate posture to the person of Jesus – to honour him ..

let's us ..