death .. . . .. . .

there is no fear in death really
perfected love casts out fear, including fear of dying

dying is the enemy of humanity
the fear of death locks us in bondage

all creation shares in that fear

i fear death, in a way
i fear the thought of it mostly
perhaps conditioned by media
perhaps from watching how it affects people
perhaps knowing how it affects me for other people
perhaps standing there and reading that name
and those dates ..
coming back, laying that flower gently
   as if it will wake that someone from sleep
feeling wet on my cheek .. .

perhaps watching as it overtakes
like some dark musclecar
ever chasing ever closer
deep-throat rumble and roar
firey belchstink
blackening smoke obstructing more and more
.. can't hardly see anymore
darkening
weakening
fading life

i fear the unknown, although i know what lies beyond that curtain
because i fear the unexperienced
never been there before

but death itself has been dealt with
Jesus handled that
he got up, walked away
and he's my elder brother, my exemplar, my guide through death
into life

life
life without this dread body where sin dwells
life freed
life in all its fulness
life with him

death's darkness will one day be obliterated somehow
Jesus will do that when he winds-up things
reconciliation

i am apprehensive over death
but i am anxious too to be truly alive
living and moving and having my being fulloflife
filled with life till it's simply rushing everywhere
like some clear wild untamable river

.. watching Jesus hike-up his pants and run crazy-like in the shallows
diving off into the deep
doing flips and backflips
laughing all the while

death
it stings
.. but it only stings for a minute

may the peace that flows from newlife
and the grace of God
and the love of God
embrace you in warmth

and may the inviting smile of Jesus well-up big in you
as you consider what it will be like ! to be hugged and loved by him
winsome smile and all ..

and to race him through the river ..

peace

the man ..

There is, tucked away in Acts 17, a statement made by apostle Paul while speaking to the intelligentsia/philosophers at the Areopagus in Athens, Greece. He was challenging these 'wisemen' who entertained themselves by entertaining various theories and novel ideas.

He suggested their image to 'the unknown god' was possibly the real god, and introduced them to the Creator God, whose desire it is that people seek and find God; they are God's offspring, after all.

He wound-up his argument (as much as is recorded) with  the thought that God is going to wrap things up one day, judging the entire world according to righteousness.
Significantly, God will do that vicariously, through a man.
Part of the significance of that is the final 'judgement' of the Earth by God will be carried out by a human.
Part of the significance is that Paul never identifies that man, save for pointing out it was the same man God raised from the dead (the issue which caused them to ridicule him and his teaching).
He never said it was Jesus.

The point I'm getting at is that it is a man that will judge at the end of time.
When everything is being wrapped-up and reconciliation is finalized across the cosmos, when all things are finally set-right, it will be the man, Jesus, who is charged with that responsibility, not God, or God-Man.

That is astounding, for it indicates that this same Jesus, the Word who was in the beginning with God, and by whom all things were created, is now at the right hand of God, a man, and not God.

Why is that an issue?
Think of it; God went to the extremity of the extreme in representing and redeeming humanity, becoming human. That reconciliation will include all of God's creation (which creative activity was by the Word of God, preincarnate Jesus himself).

If you're willing to entertain such a thought, wrap your mind around that for a while.
It could change you ..
and me ..

" The times of ignorance God overlooked, 

but now he commands all people everywhere to repent, 

because he has fixed a day on which he will judge the world in righteousness 

by a man whom he has appointed; 

and of this he has given assurance to all by raising him from the dead. ”

marcus borg and christian think ..

marcus borg died

he had many lovers, many haters .. i am neither, really
i've read a few encouraging articles about borg by people i respect, and i'm encouraged by his apparent Jesusness - his kindness, graciousness, humility, and refusal to diss his opponents

he's one of those people who 'get my goat' on things biblical. he and john dominic crossan and those other ' progressive ' christians and Jesus Seminar folk .. they upset my coffee cup, spilling stuff everywhere, making a mess

but ..
be it known that i honour such people, for this reason: they are confronting christianity and the bible, challenging the creeds and the doctrines of men, asking lots of very pertinent questions on things we're supposed to simply swallow and chase-down with a latte because the preacher said so, or the theologian, or the Joel Os or John Hagees ..
and they do it with righteous motivation, looking to understand the God that is God


i laud that. i applaud it, relish it and wait expectantly for more of the same

our issue, and a critical and urgent issue it is, is the malaise christianity soaks in, refusing to engage either scripture or the god that engaged us, while we decorate our automobiles and our necks with crosses and fish
truly, half the time we are quite ignorant about what either means and far removed from their call on our lives
jesus remains a sunday aquaintance who hardly shadows our doorway; we wouldn't know him if he walked up and tapped us on the shoulder
.. or whispered our name

so .. for that reason i join wholeheartedly in honouring the work and teaching of MB
may there be many many more who refuse to tow the line, looking for some other path, some other stream to fish in

that sort of christian gives me hope, for christianity is in a fine mess, and much of the fish we eat are slowly poisoning our spirits ..
and the spirits of those we serve them to

may God help us to wake up from our stupor ..
this world is a dark place .. it needs our light

don't just lie there
be a light
get involved ..
        from the inside out

peace

a good read .. so read ..

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/4-ways-modern-church-looks-nothing-early-church?utm_source&utm_medium=Email&utm_content=1%20Title&utm_campaign=RELEVANT%20Newsletter

church is .. .

someone recently asked " so what are you looking for in a church? "
interesting question ..

one thing i know: i've been in and out of churches, like many, and i haven't found church

someone ( else ) told me that i'm looking for a church to suit me .. and i've thought a lot about that ..
¿ am i being arrogant ?
¿ causing division and schism ?
¿ unreasonable ?
¿ individualistic, undoing community ?
those occurrences need addressing in my own mind before i answer that opening question
and i have

see, i'm looking for something kinda like i see in the New Testament, like they way the church moved in the beginning
the motivation
the atmosphere
the direction
the activity
the focus
the presence in the community ..

and if you're of a mind to sit and read about what that was like, you really should look to those documents written in those times, not so much to this blog, or any other blog for that matter, or google, or ..

i mean .. we have the gospels, in a remarkably pristine condition .. remarkably ..
¿ why would you want to read about what's written there when you can google that and read the very documents themselves for yourself ?
think about it ..
it translates into lazy .. sorry ..
like .. i would rather have some famous preacher/teacher tell me what the Bible says than read it for myself ..

someone i know is studying to be a chef
they related an ' unfortunate ' incident when the dough they made, which was well turned-out, fell on the floor, and they had to start all over again, with time escaping rapidly .. and then the second batch wasn't as good as the first batch; they were understandably upset
my response was .. " haaaaaa " ..
how cruel ..
not really ..
unless they understand that life is sometimes mishap and mistake, followed by recovery and plan B and try-again .. and learn to laugh at themselves rather that carve bloody scars on their conscience for their 'stupidity', life will become increasingly desperate ..
the issue is to take the error, the mistake, the screw-up, and learn from it
find yourself
in the process of finding the solution ..
find yourself

point of that is this ..
if you wait for someone to pick up your dough, and hold your hand while you make the second batch .. then you're doing life vicariously, as in through someone else
and that ain't living

¿ similarly, if God has overseen the creation of the christian scriptures, and they have been remarkably preserved to this day .. why on Earth would we have to be spoon-fed when the plate filled with real food sits right there before us ?
why indeed

¿ did i say ' lazy ' ?
like .. i'd rather put in that kind of effort for my job, or my hobby ..
¿ what does that say about me and my ' religion ', my ' faith ', my ' spirituality ', ' my ' christianity ' .. my Jesus ?

peace

engaging God ..

someone recently commented on an occasional preacher/teacher: “ he's interesting to listen to “, or similar ..
i get that .. it's always better to be engaged by a good teacher

but it begged a question in my mind .. ¿ how much of my response to being in the place of teaching/preaching is based on the ' interesting ' style of the speaker, and how much is based on my own interest in hearing from God .. ?

seems to me we have weighted the ' church ' experience way too far on the side of the presenter(s) and presentation and far too light on the side of us ..
we ' go to church ' as if we're heading to the gym, a movie or a concert, looking for presentation and performance, titillation and entertainment, perhaps engagement
maybe (more often than we care to admit) to have someone tell us what's right, wrong, what to do, what the Bible ' says ' ..
as if to say ' I went to church ' is a major issue, a defining mark in my discipleship to Jesus ..

maybe the problem is with the church and its format ..
and maybe the problem is with me ..

as always, I could be wrong

somehow I feel that my discipleship involves looking expectantly in the direction of God
so that wherever I am, and whenever that is, i'm expecting God to show up somehow ..
maybe in a person across from me at the coffee shop
maybe in some book i'm reading (not necessarily a religious book btw)
maybe on a walk with the dog or in the supermarket aisle or pumping gas or raking leaves in the front yard or .. maybe in the company of church

maybe the reason the speaker has to be ' interesting ' to me is that I'm not really that interested in the first place and I need to be engaged
maybe that's half the reason christianity in this west has become so much of a show
parade ..
or a soup kitchen for the soul .. stop in, get yer soup 'n salad, move on ..
like that

perhaps if I was to meet with the church in an attitude of expectancy, anticipating God's speaking to me today, here, now .. maybe then I would hear his voice
¿ maybe ? ..

selah ~

we have this penchant towards laziness in certain things, and it might well be that it presents itself largerthanlife when we head Godward, look to do Godstuff, 'cause there's someone that doesn't want us there, headed in that direction ..
(amazing thought really; ¿ isn't my spiritual life the core of who i am, why i exist ?)

a friend recently posted that part of their mindset for 2015 was to be intentional, particularly where Godstuff is concerned
and I think that's a good thing
because when I intend to see God today it's much more likely he'll ' show up ' (actually God is showing up; i simply don't recognize God) ..

think on it

..... . . . . . .

next part ..

within a day someone else commented they're tired of fighting in their christian life; too tired to keep chasing the arguments over doctrines and denominations and such; too much to handle, to keep up with; not sure who or what to believe anymore; every preacher has a different take on this or that, a new style; some don't believe the miracles in the New Testament were historical, or the virgin birth, or that Jesus was God, or came from God, or in the resurrection ..
like that

so, basically they don't any more
they're hangin' out, uninvolved for the most part
not sure where they are right now
not sure where they're headed
tired, confused, tired of the confusion ..

and btw, this person was once a frontliner for 'christianity' ..

not too difficult to figure, really
and nothing to sit in judgement on, either, for a lot of people are just precisely there, not sure anymore
too much data, too much new stuff, different stuff challenging the ' orthodox ' positions ( often a good thing btw ), too much abuse of religion by the religious, too many ' great ' christian men (preachers and all) falling by the wayside ..

it surely is a morass of conundrumity
and i feel you, friend .. i really do

besides, we are each on a journey, and at a different stage along the road
so we should be careful about judging others where they are .. we're not as far along as some, further along than others

but ..

somehow it seems that christianity (as in the real thingy Jesus inaugurated, as in the kingdom) is supposed to be a way of life
i become it
it defines me
so i don't 'do' church or christinaity .. i am a christian, I am the church

and even that fails to a certain extent; i am a democrat or republican, and that has an effect on my life, and i'm somewhat defined by that; but when the spirit of God takes up residence in me, i am changed fundamentally, as a person
a new creation
my basic makeup is different; my mind begins to change, my attitude, my likes/dislikes ..
not all at once: that would be an explosion; but over time, i become different to who ( not what ) i was before

that newlife is a combined effort between God and me
God leads, but God doesn't force, doesn't push, doesn't 'make' a person do or say or ..
mine is to be aware of the leading and submit to it

i am involved

now to this; not only do i play a part, God is watching to see how much i want this
so, my response to God's leading is one thing, but then there's this aspect of the relationship in which i'm pursuing God; i'm the one initiating ..
i want to know God more
i want God to do this in me
i want God to show me this
i'm eager for God to direct me in this or that decision
i want God to use me somehow
i want to play some part in the progression of God's kingdom
.. like that

the point of the commments is this: we need to be in on the relationship with God
it's not simply a matter of subscribing to christianity as a marker, an identifier - " i'm not jewish or muslim or hindu or .. i'm a christian "
neither is it a militant-style relationship where God dictates and i salute and obey
God defines himself ( and is defined by Jesus ) as father
father
get that ..
dad

.. selah ...

being christian means we have chosen to follow Jesus, with all that attaches, most significantly, by trying with everything there is in us to be like Jesus
that calls for a change of heart foremost, and a concomitant change of mind, of approach to life, of attitude
all this fueled from within by the holy spirit of God, spirit to spirit, working together to transform me into the likeness of Jesus himself
get that: the point of it all is to make us God's children, heirs with our Exemplar, Jesus

that calls for relentlessly going after God in every aspect of life, as if that is the point of it all, the purpose of life for me, for us
and it is
absolutely

so don't give up, even given the confusion, the rivalry, the division, the mass of messy theology and leadership .. the lights and whistles and smoke ..
keep on rockin' !
step up yourself to God and engage God personally, as if God was sitting right there with you ..
'cause God is with you
and in you
in
you
in me ..

take that seriously, as if it were real
and chase it
take God on
tell God your stuff, the good and the bad
ask God to lead you
answer your question
ask God to show-up for you and meet you, right there, in this or that situation

it's a relationship !
and he's dad

maybe it's time to stop waiting for the preacher to bring Godstuff to us on a plate, and feed us
maybe it's time to pick up the spoon ourselves
and turn towards God's face
expectantly ..

' trust God with everything there is in you;
don't rely on your own understanding of the way life is, rather acknowledge God in everything - God will lead you '
   ( prov. 3.5,6)

peace

Jesus the man ..

bart ehrman came out with a book early in 2014, ' How Jesus Became God '

this is part of the write-up:

" The claim at the heart of the Christian faith is that Jesus of Nazareth was, and is, God. But this is not what the original disciples believed during Jesus’s lifetime—and it is not what Jesus claimed about himself. How Jesus Became God tells the story of an idea that shaped Christianity, and of the evolution of a belief that looked very different in the fourth century than it did in the first."

on the very same publication date, 5 scholars published a rebuttal, ' How God Became Jesus: The Real Origins of Belief in Jesus' Divine Nature---A Response to Bart D. Ehrman '

they set out to show that early christianity reflects a quite different stance, that Jesus was in fact divine, was God. Presumably they fall on the position of the Council of Nicaea (325 AD), among others, that Jesus was 100% God and 100% man at one and the same time; the 2 natures are not to be confused or combined.

the upshot of that council regarding Jesus divinity is:
1. Jesus Christ is described as "God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God", proclaiming his divinity.
2. Jesus Christ is said to be "begotten, not made", asserting that he was not a mere creature, brought into being out of nothing, but the true Son of God, brought into being 'from the substance of the Father'.
3. He is said to be "of one being with The Father". Eusebius of Caesarea ascribes the term homoousios, or consubstantial, i.e., "of the same substance" (of the Father), ..
      (wikipedia, first council of nicaea)

besides the fact that i have difficulties in that conciliar statement, i am at issue with both of the claims the 2 books make, and that's what this is about

all my life i took the traditional conservative position of the church that Jesus was indeed the ' God-Man '

ehrman's ( 'progressive'ly popular) position is an outright assault on that position, and does in fact encourage a response, not only from the historic camp from the historic position, but from a holistic biblical view

however .. my position on the issue has changed in recent years ..
i have blogged on that before, both on this blog and its predecessor ( A Recovering Pharisee's Perspective on the Current State of Christianity )
it has evolved from a long-standing series of question marks that pockmarked my bible, and from a relentless questioning of the historic position and a continuous reread of the new testament ..

briefly my position lands smack dab in the middle of the 2 books mentioned, and is this:
- Jesus the human was the Word of God ( as per John 1 ), and was in every respect God, similar to the Father's godhood
- when the Word became a human, incarnating, he left his godhood behind and became a human, as in, all human, like you and i ( Philippians 2. 5ff )
- that humanity involved every human experience except sin - he never ever sinned; that sinless life was not out of ' well, he's God ' , but rather out of his complete and continual submission to the Father in everything, as often recounted in the gospels
- Jesus was the perfect expression of God in human form; all the fullness of the Godhead dwelt in his body ( Colossians 2.9; Hebrews 1 )
- upon completion of his mission(s) and life, he was exalted by the Father to the honourable place of Right Hand, from where he acts as Defender of the saints against the accusations of the Accuser, Satan
- he, now risen man, acts on behalf of God as judge, and his authority is final in all things
- at the end of these ages, when all authority and power of whatever kind is made subject to himself, Jesus will submit all those powers/authorities to God
he will then submit his own self to the Father; that in eternity ( 1Corinthians 15 )

that's a brief statement on my position
it is backupable by scripture

it lands in the middle of the 2 other at-odds positions

it also calls for a greater degree of awe at the outlandish compassion and love of the God who is love, who would change, become completely human, live life as it should be lived, suffer and die at the hands of the very humanity he created as God the Word ..
i cannot think of anything more incredible

it changes me

it could well change you

peace

distancing ..

yes, i've said a thing or 2 on it before
just read one of richard rohr's comments, and it brought it to mind again, although he labels it differently, and may have a different take on it than i

i've found, mostly accidentally, that i need space, regularly
space to be alone (even if i'm in a coffee shop, say)
to be unengaged with other people in conversation

' accidentally ' i say because much of my youth was spent just that way
i wasn't hanging with this or that crowd, wasn't much into sports, etc
it also happened because i'm an introvert by nature

but before you go blaming this thought on ' distance ' at my youth-experience and introversion ..
i also chose, in my late 20's and progressively since then, to make that alone-time happen, whether reading or writing or studying or journaling, i found it to be a helpful mode in several areas ..
- the world runs on what's popular; getting apart from the pressure of popularity
   allows me a more reasoned and reasonable worldview, i think
- the world-think is driven by the media, and that media reflects the think of
   whoever powers ( monied, business, etc ) drive the economy, and
   determines what it means to be ' in ' in that particular country;
   taking time away from the media ( tv/radio/internet ), allows me to
   be not-so-influenced by that
- there is a huge ( my opinion ) amount of indoctrination that prevails in our lives
   today; although that smacks of the previous point, this is more oriented
   towards a political mindset, inculcating ' patriotism ' and a nationalistic
   involvement to allow the rulership to move in a desired direction, to garner
   support from the masses;
   distancing myself allows me to resist that propagandising, and to maintain a
   more objective view of the world
- finally, and most importantly to me, is religion and spirituality. i have walked a
   path that allowed me to come to my own personal conclusions on
   things ' christian ', as in dig-out my own convictions. i believe this to be a
   major failing in ' christianity ' today, fostering a feed-me mindset, as if i
   was studying it in a classroom; the result of this is a weak and immature
   church where the convictions are borrowed, not mined from scripture
   through the eye of the spirit of God. that, by the way, is a massive failure
   on the part of the leadership, from the seminaries back down to the pulpit
 
one thing i know, God wants an engaged relationship with his children, wants them asking, seeking, questioning, doubting ( in faith ), pursuing God at every turn, relentlessly
similar to a mutually positive and growing relationship between a child and their parent
distancing has helped me along that path

just thought i'd say that; maybe there's a thought there worth something to you ..

here's rohr:-

" ... my daily and primary practice is contemplation. I try in every way and every day to see the events, people, and issues in my world through a much wider lens that I hope is “Christ Consciousness.” I have to practice hour by hour letting go of my own agenda, my own anger, fear, and judgments in very concrete ways. In that empty space, often made emptier by my very failure, God is always able to speak to me, and sometimes I am able to hear. In that space, I find joy.

I have worked for most of my life, with the help of my Franciscan tradition and other spiritual teachers, to spend a good chunk of every day in silence, solitude, and surrender to what God and the moment are offering. I fail at it far more than I succeed, but grace grants me just enough “wide-lens experience” to know that it is my home base, my deepest seeing, and by far the best gift I can also offer to the world, and to you.

Without a daily contemplative stance, I would have given up on the church, America, politics, many people, and surely myself a long time ago. Without a daily contemplative practice, I would likely be a cynical and even negative person by now, but by Somebody’s kindness, I do not think that I am. With contemplative eyes, I can live with a certain non-dual consciousness that often allows me to be merciful to the moment, patient with human failure, and generous toward the maddening issues of our time. For me, it is the very shape of Christian salvation or any salvation. My sadness is that so few have been taught this older and wiser tradition, although many still come to it by great love and great suffering. "

peace to  you, and love
in Jesus' name

here now ..

this craggy trail up wears my skin, coloured by my blood, drains my strength, assaults my trust

much of me is visible to any that would follow this trail - piece here, spot there, ashy remains of some dark night .. or 2

some say the journey is more significant than the destination, but that comment needs balance - not for the goal i wouldn't be here, that's for sure
icy blasts push me further into the sharp, hard space
one eye peeps, looking for some hope-bearing ray of pure light

miles to go ..

have to press on, for my life lies ahead yet
behind me is what's behind; i'll not be going back there ..
can't .. it's a dead trail
i'm sure i wouldn't even if i could
here is where it's at
always here
but i keep missing here for there - over there, out there, up there, back there
while all the while i should simply have been here, wherever here was at the time ..
present ..
" here, teacher " ..

there is a there, up ahead, and more further on, maybe more yet, in the distance
and i look there, occasionally, reminding my self of why i'm here
but it's here i want to be, really
here i need to be

i can really only be here
Master, help me to be
be
here
to recognize here as my now, and to find the greatest amount of life in it

the wealth of you awaits me .. here  now  presently ..
your presence in my present
there is no other real existence ..

to exist
to be
experiencing you in me .. now  here  in your fullness

i long to see your face - o help that to be the hope of my soul
but until then let me feel your breath on my shoulder, hear you breathe, hear you speak, feel your love warming the depths of me .. now  here ..
like now

inspire me .. here  now
that i may find grace and strength to push ahead

there's only so much of me left, but it's yours
and whatever else of flesh the trail tears from me, whatever else of blood it draws
it's for you ..

help me to make it so
help me to want to exhaust whatever life there is for you, your kingdom .. now  here
wherever here and now finds me

may i be all in
every ounce, every spark of energy, flash of thought
all in the now
you energizing me through and through
the aura of me radiating your love outward, your peace, your presence

overtake me
absorb me into you such that only you is left of me for anyone to see

here    now

' when God judges people's secrets by Jesus Christ ' ..

it never just arrives like another story, another damaged life, one more on that increasingly long list ..
like another bill in the mail ..

it rattles me every time, shakes my soul, deflates

my ' broughtupsy ' laid the stones on this path i walk
my sheltered-from-this-evil-world childhood forces me into a corner, pulling straw over me, as if that will protect me from the assault on my soul, this time

another storm, full of stinging rain and blasting winds - i look for a dry corner somewhere, dragging a blanket to lie on, pulling it over my head, waiting for it to go away
just finish already !

somehow, like the blasted politicians who cover and move, deny, invent, manufacture and misrepresent, manipulate, decorate the evil abuses to confuse and befuddle - somehow we think that dressing up the wickedness of our own abuses in robes of decency, our own brand of ' morality ' , will allow us to be upstanding pawns in the society in which we live and move and have our being ..
we're such damned liars !

and sadly, we sit in the church pew ( or stand in the pulpit ) , all our nastiness covered over in our sunday garb ..

there's a clause tucked away in Romans 2, v 16 .. it's in the context of the day of judgement, when all things will be set right by that man God has appointed to be the final authority on such things - Jesus ..
the phrase ' on the day when God judges people's secrets through Jesus Christ ' used to puzzle me: the apparent, in-your-face evil is massive and astounding; why go to the ' secret things '?

and then yet another story of abuse surfaces, long hidden, long denied, even by the abused
unravels like some blanket, as that particular thread is pulled, and pulled ..
and the awfulness of it all lies strewn all over the floor, just there, in that corner where we hide from the storm

and i am stunned again ..

while we preach about drinking and drugging, marriage and divorce, homosexuality and adultery, this religion and that denomination, this doctrine and that belief, and the o-so-necessary tithing (which died with the Old Covenant) .. the proverbial white elephant wiggles under the pew, as we nod and utter our ' amens ' ..

as i've stretched myself in recent years, beyond the shelter, i've encountered several people, mostly women, who have been marked for life by sexual abuse
the event (or eventS, for many) has cut deep gouges into their souls, affecting them and their relationships for many years
for some it means a ruined marriage
for others a tremendous strain on that marriage and on the other close-relationships - children, friends, workmates ..

and it doesn't go away; it's always there, even as it's buried in their closeted ( cloistered ? ) past  ..
it's always there in the hidden places where they deign to go, dare not look, all the while affecting their attitude, emotions, sex .. their everything

they marry and their spouse might not even know, until they realize something is amiss, wrong, dreadfully wrong, and even then, they may not discover what exactly it is until later, sometimes too late - the marriage lies shattered, and the children too bear the fallout in their own lives, in their relations ..

when it is revealed, it can take years of counseling by professionals to bring it all out, open that coffin, replay the horrors, lay it on the table so that abused person can see it, deal with it, and function again, almost whole .. almost, but never quite ..

those are part of the secret things God will lay-out for all to see, and cry over ..
   yes, God cries

for the fathers and the uncles and the cousins and the neighbours and the schoolmates and the baby-sitters and whoever that walk on as if it meant nothing ..
for the husbands that abuse their wives, including those of you who hide behind scripture!
know this ..
one day the secret things will be revealed; you will be held accountable for the dastardly wicked abuse you foisted and forced on some 6-year-old
you bastard!

finally: for those that are abusers, and those that cover-up and gloss-over abuses, in position of authority in ' christian ' organisations .. the wrath of Almighty God will find you, poured out in abundance, for he left you in charge of his sheep .. you were there to protect the very ones you abused

i'm still rattled ..

God help us all

my vision for fresh canvas and paint in 2015 ..

i sat and wrote a blog post yesterday ..
fail ..
because what's on my heart is not what i wrote

what's on my heart is this
a longing for the church that claims the name of Jesus to reboot, as in dump the cache, and head back to its roots

roots are good
they are where the tree gets its nutrients
we are part of a vine, the Jesus Vine
Paul speaks to that at Romans 10-12

the Church (as in worldwide church) was built by Jesus
he is its founder, our example

what is passed-off as Christianity today is far far removed from what Jesus intended
in fact, it's a blotch on the face of God
in my opinion

my prayer for this 2015 year is that we, the church of Jesus, his Body, move in the direction of Jesus himself

that means
stop already with the show, the concert-styley, the lights and sounds and
   presentation, the sit-in-the-pew-and-listen-to-thatguy
stop with the 1 hour-a-week in the expensive, expansive buildings
stop the pouring money into ??
stop with the exclusivity and the club mentality

it means
pick up my bible and read it, regularly, as if it's relevant to me
   here today in my place
gather regularly as a body, the Body, and worship and share
   and learn and help and support
not rushing off after we've given the
   dutiful 1-hour sunday get-together, but
   hang-out, share a meal or
   food/drink, and talk, get to know
   each other personally, by name,
   circumstance, life
joining each other in meeting the needs
   of people in the neighbourhood,
   especially the underprivileged
joining other churches in doing that on a broader
   scale
meeting with others to pray for each other
joining each other in day-to-day life, communitying in
   yoga and basketball and board games and bowling
   and coffee hangouts and .. like that
visiting the ill, the aged, the orphan, the imprisoned
   to encourage them and offer them hope
   (and i'm not so much talking about another church
   service; more like getting to know them one-to-one,
   and being their friend)

like that

mostly, i fear we have lost our knowledge of the bible, and that is the tap-root of our root system
that is where we encounter Jesus and early christian life and practice
that is where we see our Exemplar in all his earthly self, witness his life and listen to his thoughts .. internalize his mindset, his lifestyle, attitude, approach ..

like that

i have renewed my personal commitment to reading the bible each day, kinda like i eat each day

i'm still looking for that 'church' that lives like that
still
God help me find it ..
meanwhile i've got to get back on the street and simply be there, waiting for whatever opportunity, whoever, looking for the image of Jesus in the eyes of the people that i meet

it's late-on
and there are many miles to go before rest
so i look to you, master Jesus, for guidance, direction, motivation, passion and compassion, intensity, and opportunity
i ask you to help me in my unbelief, to draw near to me as i draw near to you, looking for oneness, intimacy .. to know your presence, feel you in me .. be you, Rabbi

here's to 2015 and personal renewal and Body renewal ..

peace