' when God judges people's secrets by Jesus Christ ' ..

it never just arrives like another story, another damaged life, one more on that increasingly long list ..
like another bill in the mail ..

it rattles me every time, shakes my soul, deflates

my ' broughtupsy ' laid the stones on this path i walk
my sheltered-from-this-evil-world childhood forces me into a corner, pulling straw over me, as if that will protect me from the assault on my soul, this time

another storm, full of stinging rain and blasting winds - i look for a dry corner somewhere, dragging a blanket to lie on, pulling it over my head, waiting for it to go away
just finish already !

somehow, like the blasted politicians who cover and move, deny, invent, manufacture and misrepresent, manipulate, decorate the evil abuses to confuse and befuddle - somehow we think that dressing up the wickedness of our own abuses in robes of decency, our own brand of ' morality ' , will allow us to be upstanding pawns in the society in which we live and move and have our being ..
we're such damned liars !

and sadly, we sit in the church pew ( or stand in the pulpit ) , all our nastiness covered over in our sunday garb ..

there's a clause tucked away in Romans 2, v 16 .. it's in the context of the day of judgement, when all things will be set right by that man God has appointed to be the final authority on such things - Jesus ..
the phrase ' on the day when God judges people's secrets through Jesus Christ ' used to puzzle me: the apparent, in-your-face evil is massive and astounding; why go to the ' secret things '?

and then yet another story of abuse surfaces, long hidden, long denied, even by the abused
unravels like some blanket, as that particular thread is pulled, and pulled ..
and the awfulness of it all lies strewn all over the floor, just there, in that corner where we hide from the storm

and i am stunned again ..

while we preach about drinking and drugging, marriage and divorce, homosexuality and adultery, this religion and that denomination, this doctrine and that belief, and the o-so-necessary tithing (which died with the Old Covenant) .. the proverbial white elephant wiggles under the pew, as we nod and utter our ' amens ' ..

as i've stretched myself in recent years, beyond the shelter, i've encountered several people, mostly women, who have been marked for life by sexual abuse
the event (or eventS, for many) has cut deep gouges into their souls, affecting them and their relationships for many years
for some it means a ruined marriage
for others a tremendous strain on that marriage and on the other close-relationships - children, friends, workmates ..

and it doesn't go away; it's always there, even as it's buried in their closeted ( cloistered ? ) past  ..
it's always there in the hidden places where they deign to go, dare not look, all the while affecting their attitude, emotions, sex .. their everything

they marry and their spouse might not even know, until they realize something is amiss, wrong, dreadfully wrong, and even then, they may not discover what exactly it is until later, sometimes too late - the marriage lies shattered, and the children too bear the fallout in their own lives, in their relations ..

when it is revealed, it can take years of counseling by professionals to bring it all out, open that coffin, replay the horrors, lay it on the table so that abused person can see it, deal with it, and function again, almost whole .. almost, but never quite ..

those are part of the secret things God will lay-out for all to see, and cry over ..
   yes, God cries

for the fathers and the uncles and the cousins and the neighbours and the schoolmates and the baby-sitters and whoever that walk on as if it meant nothing ..
for the husbands that abuse their wives, including those of you who hide behind scripture!
know this ..
one day the secret things will be revealed; you will be held accountable for the dastardly wicked abuse you foisted and forced on some 6-year-old
you bastard!

finally: for those that are abusers, and those that cover-up and gloss-over abuses, in position of authority in ' christian ' organisations .. the wrath of Almighty God will find you, poured out in abundance, for he left you in charge of his sheep .. you were there to protect the very ones you abused

i'm still rattled ..

God help us all