alone ..

aloneness
while most of us who've experienced it dread it for it's often depreciating effects on our souls
there lies within that cavern potential for growth, for strength, maybe for a deeper understanding of who i really am
who am i
really ..

the rocket-fueled madness we in the west call ' life ' offers scarce room for it
that, coupled with the fear of facing my self in those dark, seemingly-endless spaces
   - why go there ?!!
bars the door to what could be an opening to my broader self
a self that lies mostly dormant in the deep of whoever it is i am ..
noone goes there, barring the spirit of the Almighty ( an alarming thought )
noone

we don't choose aloneness much
but the privilege of choosing that
   quiet
      albeit welcoming the sounds of nature
   peace
      although the introspection, reflection and meditation
      bear heavy baggage
   discovery
      as i walk those black halls, musty corridors
      stare at scary locked rooms
is one we might well consider taking advantage of ..

face the demons
let them come, in the heavy blasts of their huge wings, the sickening smell as they swoop past, the terrible shrieking ..
they are my tormentors
and they are
   me

i have to run !
now !!
back to that space over there on top that flat rock table
where the Light bores through
where there's warmth
and i can see

there i'll recover from the dark
find my balance after the horror of that room
balance
in the Light

later, maybe i'll again find a spark of courage to leave that circle of Light again
back into the dark
in search of another room
.. . . .   .

the end of that cycle can be a stronger, maturing me,
formed from the dares, the scary challenge, the flint-will to go there
on tiptoes

maybe i'll get back
   or not
but i have to go
find
   me

.. . . .     .

I come to the garden alone
   the dew is still on the roses ..
there's this voice i hear, falling gently on my ear ..  
God speaks
and the sound of His voice is so sweet 
   the birds hush their singing

God 
   walks with me, talks with me 
   tells me I am His own ..

I’d stay in the garden with Him 
   though the night around me be falling
but God's voice bids me go
   midst those cries of woe ..
a voice to me is calling
   calling
                  [ my edited version of an old hymn ]