prelude to cross ..

this one's .. touchy
like a sore spot, a recent wound

in recent times, the christian intelligentsia and progressives have called into question much of historic christian thinking
i don't have much of a problem with that: there's much to call into question considering the sad history of the christian faith; also, it provides fertile ground for rethinking what we have perhaps too long accepted as 'gospel' ..
i rather like questioning the 'doctrines of men' ..

that being said, there are certain basics that i treat as hallowed
i tread very carefully when i approach those ..
one of these is the death of the person Jesus of Nazareth

i walk that road barefoot, testing each step, wary of sharp rocks and prickles and snakes, venomous creatures that could bite and cause me to lose life ..
i don't want to lose life
mine is to gain life to the fullest, following that Man

conundrumily, that same man said that if i look to hang-on to my life i will lose it, but if i release my life for him and the sake of the gospel i will find life
.. sooooooo .. i have to lose life to gain life .. .   .

he is a man of conflicting words, confusing comments, seemingly irreconcilable thinking that certainly cause a person to think ..

this week i'm working on a post deliberating why i have chosen a 'cruciform' life, a life in the shape of the cross
why i have a cross tattooed on my wrist, and wear one around my neck
why i have a me-made cross hanging on the wall of my room

..    . .     .

i hang my discipleship, my life, my theology, my praxis on a cross ..
Jesus, my master, told me to deny who i naturally seem to be to me, deny who i think i am, deny my wants and concerns and concepts of life, and pick up my cross .. then i can follow him

i'm trying
i'm not very good at it, but i'm working on it, because i have (finally) come to the place where that is what i want to be defined by, that is who i want to be defined by, that is what i want to be the sole purpose and motivation and pursuit of whatever life i have left to offer him

it seems to me now that anything else is spittin' in the wind

.. . .    ..

this is Holy Week in the christian calendar
while we tend to focus on Easter and the glorious resurrection
let's remember that there is no glorious resurrection apart from the dark forebode that became the horror of the Place of the Skull, Golgotha, where that Man was finally killed

there's a lesson there for us, an example to be followed
for if we would follow Jesus, we too must die our own death
perhaps a horrible soul-rending death that leaves us feeling like we too are forsaken, abandoned, alone and without hope

...  .      .

sometimes
the way up
is down

peace