his was the fear of insignificance ..
he was the go-getter, the up-fronter, the first to volunteer
he thought, like everyone else, that Jesus was here to institute the kingdom that would overthrow Rome and restore Israel to it's privileged place in God's worldplan .. now
their interpretation of Messiah was the King Saul persona, man among men, strength in armies and horses and chariots
a king like other kings
they missed the Isaiah Suffering Servant Messiah
the one that took the full force of humankind's hate and rebellion and unGodlikeness and powerlust
and disregard-for-neighbour
and me-firstness
humanity's arrogant sinbentness
they left out the part that said his visage was marred
beyond recognition ..
conveniently left out ?
who wants a beaten Messiah ?
for Peter to believe he was forwarding the powerful overthrowing domineering kingdom of Jehovah Sabaoth, the Lord of Hosts, was perhaps what compelled him to be the first in line
he wanted to be known as one of Messiah's primary supporters
even to death
hence his arrogance (?) in saying “Even if I have to die with You ..I will never deny You!”
And all the disciples said the same thing.
they all followed his lead
the outspoken, passionate warrior for Messiah . . ..
the fear of insignificance ..
is that me ?
or
you ?
.. .
if we can get past the lust for stuff
and more stuff
making us income-generators for the sole purpose of consuming upon our lusts
which the majority of us never get past
.. if we can just think about life and meaning and progeny and life long enough to reset our corporate-media-driven worldview
then maybe we can consider the morality of our lifestyle
in the face of massive worldhurt
poverty and all that is contained in that word - hunger, thirst, nakedness, disease, dislocation, homelessness, prostitution, childprostitution, slavery and virtual slave labour, childslavery, abandonment, marginalisation
abuse piled upon abuse ..
then maybe we too can be accused of the search for significance
like Peter ..
as in, that's the first step
. .. . ... .
Jesus taught in very simple ways
mostly, he simply did
he talked too, and taught
he hungout and laughed
but he worked from the common person's perspective, not that of the privileged
he became homeless
comandeered no horse or ass
wore no extravagant clothing
ate on the fly, shucking corn like any other peasant
fixing a fired fish-breakfast on the seashore with his friends
his significance was not to be found in the things of this ruined world system
it was found absolutely in God, on whom he consistently and persistently relied for everything
even his daily bread
.. he who fed thousands with 5 loaves and 2 fish
.. . . .. .
one of the issues he dealt with, often, was the true nature of leadership
translate - being a servant
translate - giving rather than lusting for
translate - loving enemy
translate - laying my self out for others
translate - allowing my self to be abused for the Kingdom of God
( we run from that one
particularly in current theological circles
where we rationalize our search for significance
by positing our christian response to war and violence and hatred
through attempts at passive resistance ( or some similar phrase )
while trying to maintain our dignity ..
our concept of significance .. )
one time Jesus met the disciples on the beach
they had been fishing
they didn't recognize him
( i guess it's tough for the mind to accept that recently they saw him
severely disfigured, hanging in deaththroes
now the resurrected Jesus, newlife born out of death )
he ate fish there on the beach with them
and there he asked Peter the 3 famously confusingly nagging questions
" do you love me ? "
3 times
always bothered me
why 3 times
as if Peter was daft ..
i read the commentators and sermons on it ..
one notable insight is the 3 denials of Peter vs. the 3 questions
3 times he denied he knew Jesus - he figured he wouldn't be associated with another failed would-be Messiah ..
Jesus counters
now that this was the third time he appeared to them after his death
now that they finally believed ( understood ? )
what he had been priming them for all along
with the pointed 3 questions that Peter, like us, surely was confounded by
" do you love me ? "
3 questions/3 denials
3 questions/3 answers
the answer Peter gave probably ( hopefully ) came from a renewed perspective
" of course ! you know that i love you "
the answer Jesus gives, each time
to Peter's answer
is
the
answer
" feed my sheep "
" shepherd my lambs " ..
perhaps the true value of life is found precisely in my own insignificance
as i try to let Jesus live through me
taking care as best i can of other sheep like me
'cause maybe they're still journeying
still seeing him hanging
and not on the beach ..
see, it's not passive-resistance-while-maintaining-my-sense-of-dignity-and-humanity in the eyes of my persecutor ..
it's passive
pure and simple ..
it takes the abuse
period
it even goes further than that ..
laying my self out
going the extra mile
giving the coat as well as the shirt
turning the other cheek
forgiving 70 x 7
loving the one that hates me
perhaps the most unnatural one of all
" for if you love only those that love you,
what about that makes you any different from everyone else? "
.. what indeed
our significance is nailed to the tree Jesus died on
we are in-significant apart from his love
and he loves us all
even to the end ..
therein lies the significance
the search for it ends right there ..
there is no sense of preserving some sense of dignity ..
simply die
over and over and over and ..
every day
" want to be my disciple ?
deny your self
every day
and take up your cross
and follow me .. "
said the Rabbi
. . . . .
sometimes we miss the rest of the story
after Jesus told Peter that
he said this
" When you were young you would tie your belt and go, wherever you wanted.
But when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone will tie you, and carry you somewhere you don’t want to go."
( He said this to point out how he would die, and in that death glorify God. )
After saying this, He told him,
" Follow Me”
sorta like, " Peter, you love me ? give your life for me by taking care of my people
you will die for it
now, follow me "
that is a tall order
there is no significance in that, not humanly-speaking, for there is no human glory
only suffering and death
paradoxically, true significance is found in death
unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.
But if it dies, it produces many seeds ..
mine is to inculcate in my own self the fullness of Jesus
by his Spirit
laying my self out
in all my nakedness
for the kingdom of God
regardless of the abuse it generates ..
regardless
the truth is there is no greater love
than that a man should lay down his life for a friend
and Jesus said
to me
" you want to be my disciple ?
take up your cross every day and do like i do
think like i thinkattitude like i attitude
die like i die
always with my neighbour in view
forget your self
remember me
then follow me"
and he showed it to us
when he washed the feet of his own followers
and shared bread and wine
in memory of
his death to come in a few hours ..
his death
there's my example
and my life
where do you go for your significance ?
preach it
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