tonight .. . .

i stood on the street
1:30 a.m.
just standing
looking
trying to imagine what i would be doing now if i was homeless

probably i'd found something to eat
and then hunted around for a night spot
somewhere i figured i wouldn't be seen
my dark clothing helps a bit
and the sleeping bag is not outstanding

it had been another day in Paradise
panhandling a bit
holding a sign that asked for help
food at the church on the hill
and again, just before bed, off the dollar menu

i was cold
it's only feels-like-47
but it feels colder

i been doing this too long
too many nights cold
some wet
some no sleep

tough to sleep when you're wondering what's next
or who
and if it will be tonight
again

i take another swig
maybe the rum will help dull the windchillfactor
maybe it'll offer a bit of sleep tonight
maybe it'll dull me just enough to laugh at the worry
pretend it's all a joke
and i'm overreacting
again

another swig
another smoke
last one for tonight

and tomorrow  ?

tomorrow is today is yesterday is everydayallyeareveryyear

there is no tomorrow
there is no today
only now
here
in this bag clutching my passport and wallet and flashlight

there's the moon
big one

. .   .....    .   . .       . . ..     .   . ..  .    .    .. . . ....   . .

God .. .  .
where are you