but it takes all of me
.. .. . ..
we walk this lifetrail
for much of it not knowing where it leads
hoping ..
the surrender of trees to grassland
marsh for a while, bogged-down
then, behold ! elevated vista of beauty
sometimes unnoticed loose shale on a mountaintrail causes us to lose our footing
sometimes it's just too damned dark to see anything - every step is a risk
all the while we process our experiences
pile one on the other
accumulated knowledge as we travel prompts us to take another direction
or maybe reinforces the direction we're on
mostly .. we look for the easiest path
to whoknowswhere
predators are a constant worry
some human
as is food and water and places to shelter
concern for injury and illness
and for the ones that follow back there
.. follow ? ?
follow this path i'm on ?
don't follow me ... please !
i am so lost
so outoftheway
so looking for .. shalom
searching as i go ..
do not follow me ..
make your own path
.. . . . . .
we'd like to think we're headed for the same homeplace
land of peace
rest
security
fruitfulness
communality
.. settlement .. where division and strife cease to ply their trade
where joy and happiness pervade
getting there though is a personal matter
while we look around for cameraderie
we know .. I, as in me .. i need to chart that path for my self
i use what i've learned and suffered and enjoyed and been advised to forge who I am and forge my own trail
even when i travel incompany
i know where i want to be
i just have to get there ..
there are roads full of travellers
some not so
there are signs and stories
tragedy and triumph
successes and 2stepsforward/3stepsbackward
some have climbed remarkable heights on rockfaces with hardly a fingerhold
some have dived deep into murky waters full of terror
some just meander
amble
some run
all headed somewhere
but not here
not here
or i would simply sit and lie and veg
can't veg here
this is not home
not even close
home is where Creator dwells
called 'the kingdom of God '
this place is a fallen falling world where peace and love and that communality are barely visible, and then only for a while - a momentous momentary glimpse of lustrous valley on the road out
keep going ..
stopping is atrophy and hypothermia and mindless wandering in my mind
circling my self like some wagontrain under attack
got to move on
stretch this body
exercise this mind
challenge this soul into the beyond
the next level
homeness
.. . . . . .
as we go
all along the trail
there are others i pass
or that pass me quickstriding
or heading in the opposite direction
some in tears
some happy
some running
some propped against that tree nursing a ruined ankle
some out of energy
some untiring
and we see
time and timeagain
opportunities for cameraderie and humanness
times for comfort
for encouragement
for fuel
for rest
for handholding and legups
a clean shirt
and i take them
or not
.. . . . . .
although this is my journey, and although i need to make my journey out of my own self
i dare not disregard the other
the one over there
the one i met yesterday
the one i might meet tomorrow
we need each other at points and places and for treks across that desert, over that mountain
we need each other along this lifepath
although we need each other along this lifepath
i dare not diss' the truth that this is my path and i have to make my path
make it my path
noone can travel it for me
noone can take my place
i have to get there
out of my own energy
my own efforts
my own processing of my life experiences
i have to do it
or it becomes a borrowed path
and borrowing others' paths is simply shortcutting to nowhere
.. . ... .
i know where i'm headed
sorta
i'm not sure of much of what it holds
the details
but i know where i'm headed
prettymuch
i rise each new day and set my sights on that homeplace
sunny
or foggy or rainy or blustering
clouds notwithstanding
i still see it afar off
i still smell homeness
like some dejavu macaroni and cheese or fresh fish
smouldering on a bed on onion and peppers
i can feel homeness there
i can feel my God there
beckoning
calling
in that deep soothing encouraging soft voice
.. " come on home "
my soul relishes that voice
longs for those words again
looks for that wink of the eye through the cloudmass
that unmissable flower's scent over there
reminding me of him
... .. .
i help whoever i can along my path
wherever i meet them
in whatever condition
mine is not to critique their lifepath
judge their reasonings
discern their motivations
only God is equal to that task
i may only lend a hand
spare a smile
a parcel of food
a mile or 3 of the journey together
until one or the other of us heads in a different direction
even though we both look to arrive at homeplace
mine is to give up mine
to help whoever
. even when it depletes my stuffmy energy
i'll get back on my lifepath eventually
or not
it matters not
all that matters is that i head out and on
towards homeplace
for as long as i have life and energy
and that i help every other
i meet
that will accept my help
. . . . ..
by the way .. i have this friend who's gone there before
where no man had ever been before
and i follow his path
'cause he's at homeplace
he gives me sign along the way
sometimes
and there's a mapofsorts
things he said and did
that give me strength and encourage me to persist and not give up
even when my leg is broken
or my heart
he's my icon
my hero
my instructor
my rabbi
. my master
and he holds me in his heart
frail as i am
failure as i am
afraid as i am
i head towards the untellable unthinkable wonder of meeting him
someday
in homeplace
that's my lifestory
least for the nowfuture
that's where i'm headed
so .. even though there's that cloudmass and the rain obstructs the view at times
like looking through a stained glass
i can still see through hopeeyes
footprints, slightly toed-in, marking my path
i'll follow those
they're his marks
my guides
that's how i'm headed out ..
moving in hope
watching for his sign
helping here and there
making that path mine .. . . . .
you ? ?
Me, yoo~
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