childish children ..

“ Unless you become like little children, there's no way you will enter into the kingdom of heaven.” ..

huh?

that's one of those sayings of Jesus I used to '?' in my bible .. over and over, wherever I saw it ..
couldn't figure what he meant, and he never explained it really

sometimes he added something to provide some insight
sometimes I think I know what he meant .. kinda .. maybe

a child obeys ..
   sometimes
a child doesn't question ..
   sometimes
a child is innocent ..
   sometimes
 ..   ..   .

the more I read scripture the more I become aware of the central and integral place 'trust' holds over humanity
trust

romans reeks of it, as does hebrews, as does Jesus' teachings ( like the first 5 chapters of John's telling of the good news.. )
that's why the children of israel had to wander around for 40 years in the widerness and were barred from entering the promised land .. the kingdom?

the issue with God seems to be "trust me"
"trust this man I have sent to you"
trust the imago dei in me
trust the conscience that says "this is real, mate"
trust the gentle tug at my mindstrings that calls “come, this way “

i can't speak for others in other places, other societies, other religions
i'm only able to truly speak to my experience, my own understanding of life in my society, my upbringing, and the things that spoke to me along my path
so there's that

“Allow the children to come to me! Don't stop them for of such is the kingdom of heaven.”
that kingdom that Jesus preached wherever he went
that kingdom that's rather difficult to define (check the theological experts)
is it there or here
is it then or now
is it external or internal
is it real or metaphorical .. like when he said “the kingdom of God is among (within?) you” .. .

that kingdom
as in “ thy kingdom come “ ..

what is 'children'?
who?
what does it mean?

and then I think of my own children, when they were very young
the joy
the freedom of play
the simplicity of their insight
   that made me smile
   reminded me of their utter vulnerability
      like when their baby-hand grabbed my thumb ..
      or when i silently peeped to watch them in their crib, on their back,
      legs curled up, reaching for some hanging toy,
      or looking for that noise through the window

      oblivious to the worldatlarge, the news, the plunging economy,
      the scramble for money, war and rumors of war, death, heartache
.. . .. .

how do I be a child?
I need to know
I want to be part of that kingdom
I want to ..

i'm wondering .. .
maybe ..
maybe implicit trust has something to do with it
   like Jesus kept saying
maybe it's like just lying there, totally chilled, legs curled upwards, staring into the eyes of Abba as a 50-somethingyearold
losing my independence
   for dependence on God
dropping the facade, removing the mask
   no makeup, unshaved
      naked and unaware of it
pulling at his beard
   totally chilled with notacareintheworld

and if by chance I rolled off his lap headed for the floor
quite unaware and uncaring
   been there, done that
      his hands are quick to save .. blinding fast

maybe ..
maybe it's a mindset that flows headfirst from my heart
that simply wants to follow
be with Jesus
simply be
be
watching him
listening
catching the sound of his breathing as he scrambles uphill
watching the sweat swell on his forehead as he gathers and breaks up wood for the coookfire
trying to get inside his aura
   right in there, close
      almost atone
      asone
no barriers
no barbed wire or picket fence
no tv
nothing separating or disturbing the Spirit of oneness

maybe ..
maybe it's a sense of Matthew 6
dropping the worry and the constant concern with eating and dieting, clothes and rags, roofs and bare sky
maybe it's internalizing and trusting that Dad's got me covered
   simple as that

maybe that's it right there
simple
simplicity
complete unattachment to worry and concern about me 'cause somebody bigger more able that loves me got-my-back, period
and there will be no time, no circumstance, no threat, no fear of falling, no power on this planet or any planet or in the universe that can 'pluck me out of his hand', 'cause God is my abba, and Dad got my back
and I simply be
be his child
trusting Dad

i'm really just a child covered in old skin and grey hair and aching joints and thoughts of what's-this-life-for and "man! how i've wasted my life .." and wondeing how on earth i could've been so wrongallalong and why it is i refused to simply follow my conscience and .. and . .  .

simply ..
simple ..

too simple ?
too childish ?

maybe ..
but i have to know
i just have to
everything depends on it ..

peace and love to you