present ..

a friend made a comment recently
reset my think

sometimes, in the pursuit of the Kingdom, we get lost
it seems the ' plan ' isn't working out
the numbers aren't there
the money isn't there
the commitment isn't there
and we begin to question ourselves ( a good thing, by the way )

thing is
God was never into numbers
he moves often with the few
he strikes out with the underprivileged as his workers
the ordinary
the peons

... .   .

who am i trying to impress ?
me ?
you ?
my accomplished friends in christian ministry ?
God ?

God is not impressed by my impressioning
he's impressed by my obedience
by my commitment
more than anything, by my love

..  .

maybe i'm not seeing far enough ahead
   being human
maybe my expectations are based on data and books i read on how-to and what-to-shoot-for and what-to-expect and here's-how-to-measure-your-success-in-christian-ministry ..

in that, i miss the boat

God has not called us to data and numbers and success-measuring-sticks
he has called us to love him, and to love our neighbour
to be committed to him and to them
and to be faithful, as in full-of-faith
to persist when all seems lost
to regularly question ourselves and our motivations
to follow Jesus even when that looks like a i'm-doing-this-alone thing

i owe noone an explanation for my life
for why i'm doing what i'm doing
or how i'm doing it
only God

the results are not mine to consider
they are the purview of God alone
.. i'm not God

 . . . . .       .

and there was i
mulling over me
questioning my motivations
wondering whothehelldoithinkiam
seeing little result
...
and my friend said this
be there, right where you are, in that moment, fully committed to the person you are with ..
in short
be present

the upshot of that is
don't count
don't look to cure it all
don't look to be the solution for everyone's situation
stop grading myself

just be there
right there
with that person
right then
almost as if there was no more important person in the world right then
as if they were all that mattered ..

wise

i must maintain the otherworld outlook of Jesus
and diss the ' results '
diss the analysis
head for the person
as in singular

look for the one
God allows me to meet today
and be there for them
them only at that time
noone else

be there in the moment
allow my spirit to be influenced by the Spirit of God
and be a channel for the Spirit to blow
to breathe life into that situation
into that person
just then
just there

be present

that's all ..

that's all