Jesus smiling ..

when i think that Jesus looks to me for help
i feel ashamed
i become very quiet
very small

i don't compare my self to others
i am not worthy of that

rather Jesus is my standard
impossible as it might seem
i must shoot for the Son
anything else is
shameful
silencing
humiliating

Jesus himself pointed to the truth of looking to be like God when he said
' be perfect just like your father in heaven is perfect ' ..
impossible
   even if the perfection here refers to maturity

but
i cultivate a mindfulness that says to me
be like God
be like Jesus
that's my goal

has to be
anything else is, to me anyway, a lie
a waste
a casual, dismissive wave of the hand to my lifevalue
   however humble that value
and a veritable slap in the face of my Elder Brother
the Man himself
my Lord
.. lord
= lord

anything else is another stepping-stone-life failure on the high way to heaven ..
church history is filled with them
and tellingly church leaders could well be the main offenders
and the main purveyors
the instigators
certainly

me
i am a follower
not a leader
i follow Jesus
and prettymuch as long as i can keep that upfront in my dull and stubborn head
i stand at least a chance of someone seeing something - a speck even - of my rabbi in me

and that is worth a lot
that there gives hope for value in life
you can sit there and look at that bit of your life that said something to someone about jesus
and smile

and watch Jesus smile